That's Not Normal
by A Pair of New Shoes
Summary: The most random happenings are going on at Titans Tower. Robin's dark secret, Cy and BB talk baseball, the guys and video games, Titan plumbers, annoying villains, and more.
1. Robin's not so secret fear

Notes: beware of OOC; I owe this to great shows like Animaniacs and The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy

Disclaimer: Still don't own Teen Titans or anything else in the story

That's Not Normal

Robin's birthday was coming soon and the other Titans rushed to prepare. The gifts were bought, but Cyborg and Beast Boy felt something was missing.

So the pair and Starfire went out to get the one thing you'd never think to see at a teenager's b-day party: a clown. The trio found the cheapest one they could get and met with him.

"See it's Rob's birthday, so we want you to surprise him," explained Cy.

"Oh, I just love making a surprise!" the clown enthusiastically replied.

The three Titans exchanged looks, but continued. They told the clown everything he needed to know like where to go, how to get there, and when to be there.

With that said and done, the Titans left.

"This will be a glorious surprise for Robin!" shouted Star.

"I don't know," said BB, "That clown kind of creeped me out."

"Who cares? It's for Robin. Of course we'll get a laugh out of it I'm sure," said Cy.

In a few minutes they were back at the tower where Raven was waiting.

"Robin's in his room," Rae said, "Are we ready?"

"Yep, so get him, Star," instructed Cyborg.

Star giggled as she flew through the halls towards Robin's room. She went in without knocking and grabbed Robin.

"Star, could you please tell me why you're dragging me to the living room?" asked Rob.

"You shall see."

She then pushed him through the door way.

"Surprise!" yelled BB and Cy.

"Yeah, surprise," muttered Raven.

Star gave Robin a bone crushing hug.

"Happy day of your birth, beloved friend who is a boy Robin!"

"Uh, thanks. I think," Rob said.

"Can we eat now?" asked BB.

Cy didn't reply since he already started eating ice cream and hot dogs.

"Hey, no fair!" protested BB.

"You don't have to eat like pigs you know," said Raven as she sat down.

"I brought the crown of meat," said Star.

Robin blew out the candles on his cake and everyone had their fill.

"Hey," said Cy, "Let's play hide and seek."

"This isn't Robin's fifth birthday. Can't we do something else?" Rae replied.

"I wish to play the seek and hide game, Robin. Please can we?" Star begged.

Robin of course always fell for Star's puppy dog pout.

"Alright, let play."

"Yay!"

"Robin's it!" BB yelled as he ran off grabbing Raven by the arm.

Cy and Star followed close behind as they looked for a place to hide.

"I always fall for the puppy dog pout," Robin said to himself, "Oh well, better start. One, three, five, seven, nine, ten, fifteen, twenty…"

The other four Titans hid themselves the one place Rob wouldn't look, outside next to a window, so they could see Robin, but Rob couldn't see them.

"I am so excited," Star said.

"Hey, Cy," BB said, "Isn't it almost time for you know what?"

"Oh, yeah. It is about time he gets here."

"Who?" asked Raven.

"The clown," stated Cy.

"Robin doesn't like clowns."

"How do you know?"

"I've been inside his head and he told me so. I myself hate clowns."

"Robin's afraid of clowns?" asked BB.

"Not so much fear as paranoia," replied Raven.

"Uh oh," BB and Cy replied.

"Ready or not, here I come," said Rob.

Just then there was a knock at the door.

"Who could that be?"

He opened the door to see staring him in the face a…

"Hello there, birthday boy!" the clown exclaimed.

"CLOWN!"

Robin quickly slammed the door in the clown's face, literally.

"That hurt," said the clown, and he knocked again.

"CLOWN!"

"Open up, masked boy."

"Go away!"

"I'm sorry, do I make with fright and scare? You shouldn't be afraid of me, masked boy. I'm just a clown."

The clown pulled out a microphone.

"When you want to scream put away that frown, and never be scared of a clown."

Robin opened the door to smack the clown with his staff and sent him flying several feet away. Rob then leapt back inside and shut the door.

The clown landed on a rock and slid to the ground in a heap.

"I wish the ground was mushy and soft."

Cy and BB were trying to suppress their laughter as they saw Robin darting around the room in a panic. Despite the setback, the clown continued to gain entrance.

He walked up to the door.

"Oh masked boy, I'll make balloon aminals."

He pulled out some balloons.

"Look, a kitty. Meow."

"Oh, how cute." Star quietly said aloud.

"Go away!" Rob shrieked.

"Look, a puppy. Bark woof bark."

"Can you make a little person out of balloons?" asked Robin.

"I think so," replied the clown.

He grabbed several balloons and shaped into a person.

"Ta da!"

"Can I see it?" asked Rob.

"Here you go."

The door barely opened to let Rob reach out and grab the balloon person, only for him to hand it back to the clown.

"Hey, you drew a mask on it. You also gave him a little, shiny disc to hold in his hand. What's it for?"

The clown was answered in that split second by having the disc explode in his face.

"It blowed up at me," he said as he collapsed.

Needless to say, it was getting harder for Cy and BB to stop from laughing. That is until the clown attempted to leave.

"I've gotta go home."

"Hey, clown," said Cy, "I paid for an hour show."

"But the masked boy hurts with the sticks and the booms."

"Get back to that tower."

"Please no, I'm not a well clown."

"Go!" Cy shouted with his sonic cannon armed.

"Yeah, bye," the clown said as he went back to the tower.

"Boy is that clown gonna get it," said BB.

"Should we not stop this?" asked Star.

Cy and BB looked at her for a minute. Then they broke down with laughter.

"Men," said Rae, "Well, whatever."

So after a short while, the clown was back.

"Oh, masked boy, I've got my little clown car. Wanna see it?"

The door opened.

"The nice boy opened the door," the clown said as he drove in.

He then saw a sign that was pointing towards the elevator, so the clown drove in. There was another sign inside saying which floor to go to.

When he arrived he zoomed out until he found a room labeled 'Robin' on the door. That door opened as well and the clown drove through, only to find himself in midair.

"I'm in the sky."

Indeed he was several dozen feet above the ground and he now plummeted to impact with it. The enormous fall destroyed the car and knocked the clown senseless.

"I don't wanna do this no more."

Yet, the clown was back again despite the fact his arm was in a sling and his foot in a cast. He softly tapped on the door.

"Masked boy, are you there?"

The door opened and the clown flinched.

"Don't with the booms!"

He looked up to see an empty room.

"Does this mean no booms?"

The clown walked in and the door suddenly shut. It was Robin and the room was actually a small ship that was ready to take off.

"So long, clown," Rob said with triumph as he pressed the button.

The ship blasted of far away into the distance. The others chose this moment to come out of hiding. Cy and BB were laughing their heads off, Raven was fighting to hide a smile, and Star looked worried.

"Are you well, Robin?" Star asked.

"I had to get rid of the clown," Rob replied.

"I can't believe you freak out around clowns," Cy chuckled.

They all went inside.

"Dude, I know Joker's a clown, but this one was completely harmless," BB said, "Aside from the fact that he was really weird."

"Laugh all you want, but I know what I'm doing," Robin replied.

"Acting like an idiot," said Raven.

"I'm telling you guys," Robin shot back, "Clowns are the ultimate evil! They wanna be the dominant species on the planet and they'll destroy us all to make it happen! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all! Destroy us all!"

It went on like that for awhile. Robin kept screaming 'Destroy us all!' and the others walked away. Still Rob kept shouting the same thing and kept doing it for the longest time.

The other four Titans tried to ignore him, but it proved difficult. Cy and BB couldn't really play video games when Robin kept screaming, "Destroy us all!"

The time seemed to drag on as Robin still wouldn't shut up with his rant. It was only a matter of time before someone cracked. That someone was Raven.

She stood up, stomped over to Robin, grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him down onto the couch.

"Listen to me, you imbecile," she hissed, "I've had enough of this. Now repeat after me. A clown is my friend."

Robin didn't respond until he saw Raven's eyes start glowing.

"A clown is my friend," he said.

"A clown will not bite me and throw me in the basement."

"A clown will not bite me and throw me in the basement."

"A clown is not a big spider."

"A clown is not a big spider."

Just then a spider landed on Robin. Robin gave a shout. The spider crawled to the ground and morphed back to Beast Boy.

"That was too easy," BB laughed.

"You're not helping," Rae said.

"Sorry, dear," BB quickly replied.

Rae then turned back to Robin.

"Get over this stupid paranoia of clowns. You're annoying everyone and scaring Starfire. She's worried about you."

That seemed to hit Robin as hard as he hit the clown.

"Where is Star?" he asked.

"Come on in, Star," Rae said.

Star was on the other side of the door. She came in and Robin held out his arms. Star went in for a hug.

"Are you alright, Robin?"

"Yes, Star. I'm sorry I worried you. And thanks, Raven."

"Don't mention it."

"So where did you send the clown?" asked BB.

"Probably somewhere near Gotham so he'd be considered a criminal and locked away."

"Still," Cy said, "You've gotta admit that was hilarious."

Then Cyborg stared laughing. BB soon joined in. Raven couldn't keep a straight face and stared laughing as well. Star couldn't resist laughing either.

Robin looked around and then he started laughing too.

"Now this is a birthday party," Rob said.

"Indeed," said Star as she gave him a kiss.

"Hey, Rob," said Cy, "You wanna smack this clown piñata?"

The piñata was covered in black energy and exploded. Candy went flying everywhere.

"Let's just skip to the candy," Rae said.

"That's why I love her," BB replied scooping up candy.

Afterwards the Titans watched a movie and had some more fun. So all in all it was a pretty good day. And, aside from Beast Boy, not a clown was seen at the tower again.


	2. Who's on first?

Notes: something of a triumph

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or the skit they perform

That's not Normal

Ch. 2: Who's on first?

* * *

Beast Boy was going about his day like it was any other. He had his tofu and read the comics section of the newspaper. Since Raven, Robin, and Starfire were out, it was just him and Cyborg to watch the tower.

"Where is Cy anyway?" BB asked himself aloud.

He went up to Cyborg's room only to find it empty. Thankfully he didn't snoop around or mess anything up. So he went back downstairs and there was Cyborg sitting on the couch watching TV. It was a baseball game.

"Hey, Cy," Beast Boy said, "There you are. I've been looking for you."

"Why?"

"Because we're the only ones here. What're you watching?"

BB walked over and sat next to Cyborg.

"Baseball," replied Cy, "It's Jump City versus Steel City."

"Cool, mind if I watch?"

"Course not. You know, I know every team member on the Jump City team."

"Really?" BB was amazed

"Yeah, I've talked to them all and learned all their names."

"Well tell me their names so if I see them I can say hello."

"Okay, but I've gotta tell you that teams give their players funny names."

"I'm sure they do."

"Now let's see, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third-"

"I thought you knew the team," BB interrupted.

"I do."

"Well then tell me their names."

"I said Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third-"

"You're a friend of theirs?" BB interrupted again.

"Yes."

"You know their names?"

"I should."

"Well tell me their names."

"Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third."

"You haven't said anything to me yet," BB replied, "Go ahead and tell me."

"Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third."

"You know the player's names?"

"Yes."

"Go ahead and tell me. Who's on first?"

"Yes," replied Cy.

"I mean the guy's name."

"Who."

"The guy playing first."

"Who."

"The guy playing first base."

"Who."

"The guy on first base."

"Who is on first, BB."

"What are you asking me for? I'm asking _you_ who's on first."

"That's his name."

"Well, go ahead and tell me."

"Who."

"The guy on first."

"That's it."

Beast Boy smacked himself on the forehead.

"That's his name," Cy said.

"I didn't ask you anything."

"Yes, you did."

"You know the guy's name on first base?"

"Yes."

"Well, tell me the guy's name on first base."

"Who."

BB growled, "The guy playing first base."

"Who is on first, BB."

"What are you asking me for!?"

"Don't get excited."

"I'm asking you a simple question: Who's on first."

"Yes."

"Well go ahead and tell me."

"That's it."

"That's who?"

"Yes."

"I'm asking what's the guy's name on first base."

"Oh no, What's on second."

"I'm not asking you who's on second."

"Who's on first."

"One base at a time now!" BB shouted.

"Don't mix up the players, BB."

"I'm not mixing up anybody. Now what's the guy's name on first base?"

"What is on second."

"I'm not asking you who's on second."

"Who's on first."

"I don't know."

"He's on third, we're not talking about him."

"Wait a minute, how could I get on third base?" asked BB.

"You mentioned his name."

"_I _mentioned his name?"

"Yes."

"I don't know anybody on the team. How could I mention his name?"

"You did, you just mentioned it."

"All right, what's the guy's name on third?"

"What's on second."

"Who's on second?"

"Who's on first."

"I don't know."

"_He's_ on third."

Beast Boy groaned, "I didn't even mention the guy's name on third base."

"Yes you did, BB."

"All right, then who's playing third base?"

"No, Who's on first."

"I'm not asking you what's on first."

"What's on second."

"Who's on second?"

"Who's on first."

"I don't know."

"He's third base," they both said.

"I don't know anybody on the baseball team!" BB cried.

"You do, you mention their names," Cy replied.

"I do?"

"Sure."

"You know the outfield?"

"Naturally."

"The left fielder's name."

"Why."

BB paused for a few seconds.

"I just thought I'd ask you."

"Well, I just thought I'd tell you," Cy replied.

"Well go ahead and tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"The left fielder's name."

"Why."

"Because I wanna know," BB shot back, "Because."

"No, he's center field. You know these players as well as I do."

"Who's in center field?"

"No, Who's on first."

"What's on first?"

"What's on second."

"I don't know."

"Third base," they said in unison.

"Do you know the guy's names on the team?" BB questioned.

"Look, BB you don't understand. See there's a first baseman-"

"I know you've got a first baseman. I ask you what's the first baseman's name."

"No, What's the second baseman's name."

"I'm gonna stop asking. I ask you what's the first baseman's name."

"What's the second baseman's name."

"I don't even get past first…all right, who's on second?"

"Who's on first."

"What base do you wanna talk about?!"

"We can talk about any one you wanna talk about."

"All right now, who's on first?"

"Right."

"Okay."

Beast Boy took a moment to think.

"Okay, you've got a first baseman. When they pay off the first baseman, who gets it?"

"Every dollar of it," Cy replied.

"Who does?"

"Yes."

BB didn't know what to say.

"Sometimes his wife goes down to get it."

"Who's wife?"

"Yes."

BB started shaking his head.

"Why not, BB? He's earned it."

"Who did?"

"Yes."

"When they pay off the first baseman every month, they get a receipt from the guy?"

"Sure."

"How does he sign his name?"

"Who."

"The guy you give the money to."

"Who."

"The guy you give the money to."

"Well that's how he signs it, BB."

"That's how who signs it?"

"Yes."

"Well go ahead and tell me."

"That's it."

"Who?"

"Right."

"Look, they go to the first baseman and they say 'here's your money, sign the receipt.' How does he sign his name?"

"Who."

"The guy you give the money to."

"That's how he signs it."

"That's how who signs it?"

"Yes."

"Sure."

BB jumped up off the couch.

"They've gotta get a receipt from the guy, don't they?"

"They get one, BB."

"How does the guy on first base sign his name?"

"Who."

"The guy on first."

"That's how he signs it."

"I'm asking ya, when they give the guy the money, what's the guy's name you give the money to?"

"Wait a minute, What signs his own."

"Who signs his own?"

"No, Who signs his."

"I mean what's the guy's name on first-"

"What is on second."

"I'm not asking you who's on second!"

"Who's on first."

"I don't know."

"Third base," both said.

BB grumbled to himself.

"Left fielder's name, center field, I don't know. They've got a pitcher?"

"Fine team without a pitcher," Cy replied.

"The pitcher's name?"

"Tomorrow."

BB groaned out loud.

"I can't change their names."

"You don't wanna tell me today?"

"I'm telling you."

"Go ahead, tell me the pitcher's name."

"Tomorrow."

"Why not tell me today?!"

"I'm telling you now."

"Then tell me the pitcher's name."

"Tomorrow!"

"All right, what time tomorrow are you gonna tell me the pitcher's name?"

"What time what?"

"What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?"

"Who is not pitching."

"I'll break your arm you say who's on first!"

BB caught his breath.

"I wanna know what's the pitcher's name."

"What's on second."

"I don't know."

"Third base," both replied.

"Third base. Third base. Third base," BB mumbled.

He turned back to Cyborg.

"Have they got a catcher?"

"Certainly they've got a catcher on a baseball team."

"Catcher's name?"

"Today."

"Today. Tomorrow's pitching, today's catching."

"Now you've got it."

"Now I've got it," BB said mockingly, "All I've got…we've got a couple of days on the team, that's all."

"I can't help that, BB."

"You know, Cy, I'm a pretty good catcher myself."

"So you've told me."

"Now I get behind the plate and I'm gonna do some fancy catching and Tomorrow's pitching on my team, right?"

"Yeah."

"Now Tomorrow, he winds up the ball and I'm behind the plate and a heavy hitter gets up. That heavy hitter gets up and he's ready to hit the ball and Tomorrow's gonna throw the ball and I'm gonna catch it. Now Tomorrow throws it and the guy bunts the ball. Now when he bunts the ball, me being the good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?"

"Now that's the first thing you've said right," Cy commended him.

"I don't even know what I'm talking about!"

"Well that's all you have to do."

"I throw the ball to first base."

"Yes."

"Now who's got it?"

"Naturally."

"Sure."

BB let out a scream.

"The guy is running to first base and I wanna throw the guy out, so I throw the ball to who?"

"Naturally."

"I throw it to who?"

"Naturally."

"Now who's got it?"

"Naturally."

"So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally-"

"No, no, no," Cy interrupted, "You throw the ball to first base then Who gets it."

"Naturally," BB replied.

"That's it. Now you've got it," Cy said with a pat on Beast Boy's back.

"So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally-"

"You don't!"

"I throw it to who?"

"Naturally."

"That's what I'm saying! I said I throw the ball to who?"

"Naturally."

"You ask me."

"You throw the ball to Who."

"Naturally. Same as you! I throw the ball to Naturally!"

"You don't! You throw it to Who."

"Now who's got it?"

Naturally," both said.

"That's what _I_ said. Whoever it is better get it!"

"Don't worry about Who. Who'll get it."

"He better get it! Now I throw the ball to whoever it is, but the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow. Triple Play!"

"Could be," Cy replied.

Just then, Rae, Rob, and Star came in, but said nothing as BB continued his rant.

"Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I Don't Know! He's on third, and I don't give a darn!"

"What did you say?" Cy asked.

"I said I don't give a darn!"

"Oh, he's the shortstop."

BB let out an enormous scream and stormed out. Cyborg followed close behind, determined to straighten out his friend. The remaining three stayed where they were standing.

Star looked Robin and asked, "What has happened?"

Robin replied, "I don't know."

Raven smirked and said, "Third base."


	3. More than meets the eye

Notes: the following story involves the best movie of the summer

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans, Transformers, Smash Brothers, or any of the vehicles mentioned

That's not Normal

Ch. 3: More than meets the eye

* * *

Dudes, I'm telling you this'll be cool," Beast Boy said.

He was talking to his teammates Robin and Cyborg whom he dragged to see a new virtual reality game at the arcade. He kept tugging at their arms to go faster.

"Relax, BB," Cy replied, "We believe you, but there's no need to hurry."

"It'll still be there by the time we arrive," Robin added.

In about fifteen minutes they had at last arrived at the arcade. Beast Boy zoomed over to the VR console. He jumped up and down to attract attention.

"Over here, dudes!" he shouted.

"We're not blind, BB, we can see you," Cy said.

"So please stop making a scene," Robin pleaded.

The three approached the video game.

"What kind of game is it?" asked Cyborg.

"We'll just have to find out," BB replied.

"Nice how this big screen lets people who aren't playing see what you're seeing," Rob commented, "Let's do this."

The three entered and strapped themselves in. They immediately saw dozens of cars to choose from.

"Must be a racing game," BB said, "I call the Chevy Camaro!"

"I get the Pontiac Solstice!" Rob cried.

"I'm going with the Topkick pick-up truck," said Cy.

""Dude, that thing can't match our cars," BB taunted.

"Don't diss the pick-up."

Suddenly, they were all in their chosen vehicles and lined up in a row.

"The race is starting," Rob observed.

3

2

1

GO!

They zoomed off. They passed through dozens of streets while avoiding CP cars.

"I'm in the lead, of course," Rob said.

"Not for long," BB replied catching up.

"I'll run both of your little cars off the track," Cy said.

After awhile of competition, a police car came up from behind them. It stayed behind them for some time before it turned on its sirens.

"Man, this is realistic," Robin said.

"I don't think he's after us," BB replied, "Otherwise he would have turned his sirens on as soon as he saw us."

"He must be going to some virtual donut shop," Cy said, "Let him through."

The Titans made a gap for the police car to pass through. As it sped by, Cy noticed something, aside from it being a Ford Mustang, different about it.

"That's not part of the program," he said.

"How do you know?" questioned BB.

"Well I was pretty tipped off by the fact that his slogan reads 'To Punish and Enslave!'

"That would do it," Rob commented, "It's got to be another player."

The three of them sped up to catch the police car. Robin and Beast Boy got on either side of it while Cyborg rammed it from behind. It zoomed out in front and turned around to get behind them.

"What's he trying to pull?" wondered Cy.

The police car then proceeded to ram into each of them from the side. They peeled out. The police car stopped and turned to face them as if taunting them.

"It's on now!" shouted Cy.

He led the charge as they made for the now in motion police car. Cy sped up until he and the police car were neck and neck. He then back away, only to smash into the police car's side and send it peeling out to the side of the road.

"So long, loser," BB said with triumph.

However as they made for the highway, the police car followed without turning on its sirens. When the Titan boys were quite a distance away, the police car floored it. It found a road that was right above where the boys were racing and sent itself hurtling into the air. As it fell it seemed to be breaking apart.

"What is this guy doing?" Cy wondered aloud.

The police car, however, wasn't breaking apart. It looked more like its parts were rearranging themselves. It shifted piece after piece until it was obvious that it transformed. Now a giant robot was right above the heroes.

"Dude, that's cool!"

"That's debatable," Rob replied.

The robot landed in the bed of Cyborg's pickup truck. It extended the tire wrists on its left arm into a mass of blades and struck BB and Rob. It then jumped off and swung its mace of an arm at cab of the pick-up, causing Cy to go screeching off the road. The robot jumped off and turned to face Cy.

"You don't stand a chance against Barricade," it said.

"Well, it's on now, Barricade!"

Cy burned rubber as Barricade changed back into a police car. The two began their chase down the highway. BB and Robin followed close behind.

"Dude, I'm going in!" BB cried.

He sped up and, with a blast of nitro, passed up Barricade. Then it was Beast Boy's turn. His Camaro transformed into a tall, yellow robot. His right hand formed a blaster and shot Barricade off the road.

"No one beats Bumblebee," BB said striking a victory pose

"Oh no?"

Barricade smacked BB with his arm of spikes and sent him flying.

"It's my turn now," Robin said.

His Pontiac became a small silver robot that wore a visor over its eyes.

"The name's Jazz," Rob said, "Bring it on!"

With an arm cannon of his own, Jazz began firing at the 'bad cop.'

Barricade avoided most of the shots and closed in on Jazz.

"You want a piece of me?" Robin/Jazz said as he stared the enemy down.

Barricade said nothing. He then opened a compartment on his chest and a small, skinny, silver robot came out. The insect looking thing sent a number of sharp blades in Robin's direction. Then it turned one of its hands into a gun and began firing.

"What the heck is this thing?" Robin questioned as he tried dodging.

"Oh, that's my partner, Frenzy," Barricade replied, "Have fun."

As the police car turned, he met with a fist in his face.

"You should watch where you're going," Cyborg said, "Because I'm Ironhide."

His truck had become a tall black robot with twin cannons, one on each arm.

"Watch this," the foe retaliated with a swing from his mace.

Cy was sent reeling back, but wasn't knocked off his feet. He then fired his cannons at the police car. Barricade dodged a few shots, but was also hit by quite a few.

"Don't forget me," Beast Boy/Bumblebee called out as he fired his weapon.

Barricade was down for the count. Robin joined his team with Frenzy in tow.

"Where were you?" asked Cy.

"I was dealing with this thing," Rob replied holding the small, crazy robot at arms length.

"Let's just finish this jerk off," BB said.

"If you were going to do that then maybe you shouldn't stand around talking."

Barricade swung his mace in a wide arc and knocked the three heroes down. Frenzy managed to free himself from Rob's grasp once they met the ground.

"This phony policeman sure is fast," BB commented.

"Take this, loser," Barricade said a he smashed Robin/Jazz.

"Destroy," Frenzy spoke up as he started to tear at Robin.

"I can't get up guys," Robin/Jazz said as he started to spark, "I'm finished."

With that, Frenzy managed to rip Jazz's head from the rest of his body.

"That's it," Cy said as he charged.

Like a football player, he rammed right into Barricade.

"Stand still, you little freak," BB said as he fired at Frenzy.

Having recovered from the last hit, Barricade locked hands with Cyborg/Ironhide. Despite Ironhide having a height advantage, he and Barricade seemed evenly matched in terms of strength. BB was still trying to hit Frenzy, when he misfired and hit Barricade in the back. This gave Cy the moment he needed to slam his fist into Barricade's chest and fire his cannon. Barricade went down once more, but he didn't get up.

"Dude," BB said, "We totally kicked his metal butt."

"Think again!"

Barricade leapt up and skewered Ironhide/Cyborg in the chest with his mace.

"Not cool," Cy said as he collapsed.

"You're going down, dude," BB/Bumblebee said.

"I beg to differ."

BB suddenly realized he couldn't move his legs. Frenzy was clicking at the fact that he disabled the larger robot and all BB could catch of his otherworld rambling was 'loser.'

"Game over," Barricade said as he brought his mace down on Bumblebee's head.

"Crud," was the word BB spoke as the game ended.

The three Titans walked out of the simulation and began to wonder.

"You know," Rob said, "I think that was too smart for a computer."

BB screamed, "You mean we made it too smart?!"

"No," Cy replied, "He means someone else must have been playing the game."

"How right you are, boys."

The trio turned to see Jinx and Raven standing there.

"You?" they exclaimed.

"Darn straight," Jinx replied, "It was pretty easy actually."

"Hey!" BB objected.

"We put up a good fight," Robin protested.

"You took some damage back there, you know," Cy added.

"It's just a game," Raven spoke up, "Get over it."

"I demand a rematch at the tower," Beast Boy said.

"I concur," Cy said.

"What do you say, Jinx?" Rob asked.

"I don't know. I should probably quit while I'm ahead."

BB turned into chicken.

"Fine, but I pick the game."

"Deal."

**Later**

"_This game's winner is…Zelda!"_

Raven – Zelda/Sheik

Jinx – Samus

Kid Flash – Sonic

Beast Boy – Pokémon Trainer

Cyborg – Captain Falcon

Robin – Fox

Starfire – Peach

After a stunning tournament, Raven emerged victorious.

"Glorious!" Star praised.

"You play this more than you say you do," Robin said.

"That was unbelievable," Cy said.

"Cool," KF said.

"I guess you showed me," Jinx said.

Raven got up to get some tea. As she did, Beast Boy stopped her.

"I never knew you had it in you, Rae."

She smirked as she replied, "Well, maybe there's more to me than meets the eye."


	4. Monkey Business

Notes: If you don't get it, go watch The Marx Brothers

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans, but neither do you!

That's Not Normal

Ch. 4: Monkey Business

* * *

The Titans were relaxing, though they were a little bored, on this ordinary day. Suddenly, Beast Boy ran in clutching something in his hand.

"Dudes," he exclaimed, "Look what I got for being the most frequent customer at the pizza place. Five free tickets for a luxury cruise!"

"Glorious!" exclaimed Starfire, "This should be most exciting. We must all go this cruise of luxury."

"I don't know if we should," Robin said.

"Come on, Rob," Cyborg replied, "There hasn't been any signs of trouble."

"We need the relaxation," Raven added.

"We certainly do," someone else said.

The Titans turned to see Kid Flash, Jinx, and for some reason, Jericho.

"Quit doing that," Raven said in an obviously annoyed voice.

"I can't help but let myself in," Kid Flash responded.

"I'll take one of those tickets," Jinx said.

"What's Jericho doing here?" BB asked as to change the subject.

"We just sort of ran into him," KF replied.

"Did you hurt him?"

"Less talking and more giving up the ticket," Jinx said.

"But there's only five tickets and eight of us," Cy said.

"I won them, so I'm going," BB said, "And if I go, Raven goes with me."

"You're too kind," Rae replied.

"Well I know I'm going," Cy said.

"I too wish to go, but do not wish to leave Robin here," Star said.

"It would be a little boring if we left the fastest teen alive here all alone," Jinx said.

"Don't worry, dudes," BB said, "I've got a plan."

**Later**

Five Titans boarded the ship. They were then shown to their rooms. An average room for Starfire, another just like it for Cyborg, and a large suite for Raven and Jinx.

"Hey, Raven," BB said as he passed, "Wanna meet me in my room?"

"Why?"

"You know why," BB replied as he lay down on her bed.

"Get off the bed," she ordered, "What would people say?"

"They'll probably say you're a very lucky woman."

He was then engulfed in black energy and thrown out.

"Fine," Rae said, "I'll see you in ten minutes."

BB smirked as he left. Now Beast Boy had a trunk with him that was the size of a small refrigerator. So that was quite a problem when his 'suite' turned out to be the size of a small closet.

"Dude, is this my room?"

"Yes sir, suite 58," replied the baggage handler as he shoved in the trunk.

"That's a big number for this birdcage."

"I'm sure you'll find it cozy. Will that be all, sir?"

"Yeah, thanks."

Beast Boy squeezed into the room himself after the handler left. He closed the door and knocked on the trunk. It opened to reveal Robin and Kid Flash crammed inside.

"Hey, boss," KF said.

"Man, it's cramped in here," Robin griped.

"Well once we get out into the open ocean there'll be plenty of room. Where's Jericho?"

BB saw the drawer in the trunk and pulled it open. There was Jericho curled up and fast asleep with a bicycle horn in one hand.

"Don't wake him up," KF said, "He's trying to sleep off his insomnia."

"Very funny, but I've got a date in a few minutes."

"How about some food first?" asked KF as he lifted Jericho out of the trunk.

"We'll talk about it later," BB shot back.

"We get food or we don't go."

BB sighed, "Why not, it's all expenses paid?"

Defeated, BB slid past the trunk and stood outside of the door.

"Remember, you guys are technically stowaways. So keep quiet."

"We won't say a word," KF replied as he laid Jericho on the small bed.

BB shut the door and called for the steward.

"Steward! Hey, Stew!"

The steward came around the corner with a, "Yes, sir."

"What's for lunch?"

"Anything you like, sir. Tomato juice, orange juice, grape juice, pineapple juice…"

"Hey, turn off the juice before I get electrocuted," BB joked.

After a quick chuckle to himself he continued.

"Give me one of each."

"Yes, sir," the steward replied, writing down the order.

"A large salad with Italian dressing, a large order of tofu with barbecue and soy sauce, plenty of bread, be it garlic or French, and…"

BB paused to think of the others.

"Also two fried eggs, two poached eggs, two scrambled eggs –"

"And two hard-boiled eggs," KF said from behind the door.

BB paused to give the door an annoyed look.

"And two hard-boiled eggs," he continued.

'Honk' went Jericho's horn.

"Make that three hard-boiled eggs," BB said.

He paused yet again to think.

"Roast beef: rare, medium, well-done and overdone."

"And two hard-boiled eggs," KF said again.

"And two hard boiled eggs."

'Honk'

"Make that three hard-boiled eggs. And eight pieces of French pastry."

"And two hard-boiled eggs."

"And two hard-boiled eggs."

'Honk'

"Make that three hard-boiled eggs."

'_honk' _

"And one duck egg."

Once more he stopped to think.

"Have you got any stewed prunes?" _(stewed is an older word for drunk)_

"Yes, sir," replied the steward.

"Well, give them black coffee. That'll sober them up."

His snickering was cut off.

"And two hard-boiled eggs."

"And two hard-boiled eggs."

'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk' 'Honk'

"Either it's foggy out, or make that 12 more hard-boiled eggs," BB said.

The steward finished writing down the order.

"Steward, hurry that along, will ya. The sooner it gets here, the sooner this convention will be over."

"Yes, sir."

The steward rushed off as BB squeezed back into the room.

"Well, as long as the steward is deaf and dumb he'll never know you're here."

"Perfect," KF replied, oblivious to the sarcasm.

There was a knock on the door.

"Let me in, B."

"Oh, hey, Cyborg."

"We just ordered lunch," KF explained, "Care to join us?"

"Don't mind if I do."

He somehow pulled himself into the room. Then there was another knock.

"What's the password?" asked Kid Flash.

"Swordfish," said a familiar female voice.

"Get in here, beautiful."

It was Jinx. She was with Starfire.

"This is your room?"

"Hey, I didn't pick it," BB objected.

"Whatever you say. So, did you order food?"

"Of course," KF replied.

"Then I'll stay."

"I have already partaken in the lunch. I merely came to see Robin."

"I'm back here, Star," he said.

"Robin!" Star shouted as she flew over to him.

BB closed the door only to hear another knock.

It was two maids.

"We've come to make up the bed."

"Well," Cy said, "Let them in."

"Come on in, girls, and leave all hope behind. You'll have to work fast, though."

As the maids got to the bed KF attempted to lift Jericho.

"Come on, pal, wake up."

KF let Jericho go and he fell on top of a maid, wrapping his arms around her.

"Hey," BB joked, "I said the maids had to work fast, not him."

"He's still asleep, Beast Boy," KF replied.

"He's doing better asleep than I do awake."

Another knock on the door came.

"I'm the engineer. I came to turn off the heat."

"Well you can start on the afro kid," BB said as he let him in.

Yet another knock came.

"Did you want a manicure?"

"No, come on in."

Once more, there was a knock.

"I'm the engineer's assistant," said a rather fat man.

"I had a premonition you'd show up," BB retorted, "Just chop your way through."

He closed the door only to open it again for someone.

"I came to mop up."

"Just the woman I'm looking for, come in. You'll have to start on the ceiling."

"You can clean my shoes," KF suggested.

Someone else knocked.

"Yes? Rose? What are you doing here?"

It was Rose (aka Ravager). She was white haired girl about Robin's height that turned out to be Slade's daughter. After a brief confrontation, and a talk with Raven and Jinx, she happily joined the team. (it was a Teen Titans Go! Issue, so look it up)

"I decided to put my money to good use and go on a cruise. I heard my brother was on the ship from the others. Is he in here?"

"Well, you can come in and prowl around if you want. If you can't find him, you can probably find someone better."

"Could I use the phone?"

"Use the phone? I'll lay even money you can't get in the room."

She sidled past him.

"I bet will be back in the port by the time you get to the phone."

"Oh, there you are, Jericho," she said, "Why do you have a bike horn?"

"If you get on the phone, tell them to send up a bigger room."

Still another knock on the door came.

"It's the steward."

"Come right ahead," BB said, waving them in, "We've been waiting."

Four stewards came in with their food trays.

"Wake up, Jericho," KF said, "The food's here."

The mute shot up at this. Cy pushed his way forward as well.

(By the way, you can imagine it must have been crowded with 18 people crammed into one tiny room)

**A minute later**

Raven came up to the door, and just as she was about to open it, she got a feeling. She stepped back and used her powers to open the door. At which point, everyone inside the room came falling out in a huge pile on top of each other.

"That old gag, huh?" Rae muttered to herself.

**Later still**

"Hey, Raven," BB said, "Lunch was a miss, so how about dinner?"

"Fine, but what time?"

"Seven. I hope you're not gonna wear your uniform."

"Of course not. I picked up something."

BB growled playfully, "Something I haven't seen? You little rascal."

"Whatever," she said as she went back to her room, but she hid a smile.

BB then began to explore the ship. After a while, Cyborg joined him.

"Hear you got a date tonight. Smooth."

"Ever since I met her, I've swept her off my feet."

They came to the captain's quarters. The pair strolled in and looked around. BB put on a spare captain hat. Then he turned to face Cy.

"How dare you enter the captain's quarters?!" BB bellowed.

"Very funny. Let's see the captain's bridge."

"He leaves them in a glass of water at night. How about where the captain sleeps?"

"I've seen that. That's the bunk. Let's keep going."

They left, and BB hung the hat on the rack.

"Let's get some food. I'm getting hungry."

"But Raven…"

"Well just a snack then," Cy replied.

"Oh, well, that's okay then."

The duo joined the other six Titans for dinner.

**Still later**

"Where is Raven?" Star asked after what seemed like hours.

"I'm sure she'll be here soon," KF replied.

"We would have noticed her come in," Robin added.

**Meanwhile**

"Has you partner not arrived yet?" asked the waiter.

"No," Raven said with a lot of annoyance, "Page him as…Garfield."

The waiter began walking around the restaurant.

"Paging Mr. Garfield! Mr. Garfield!"

At the table behind Raven, a group of people were laughing there heads off.

"Mr. Garfield!"

"Hey," said a familiar voice, "Stop going around yelling my name. Do I go around yelling your name?!"

"Beast Boy!" Raven called.

He sprung up and stared at the waiter.

"Say, is your voice changing or is someone else paging me?"

"BEAST BOY!"

"Raven! There you are."

She turned her chair around to face him. That's when she noticed the other seven Titans were sitting at the same table as BB was. She had been so focused she hadn't noticed them. They had been so busy talking, they didn't notice her since she was wearing a dress the same color as her cloak and had her hair done up.

"You look beautiful, BB said, awestruck.

"You told me to be here at seven," she snapped, "It's now eight and no dinner."

"What do you mean no dinner? I just had one of the biggest dinners of my life, no thanks to you."

"I've been sitting here the whole time," she said defensively.

"Yes, with your back to me. When I go out with a woman, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay."

She couldn't help but smirk.

"I made you smile."

"No you didn't," she answered quickly.

He moved over to her table. She noticed he was wearing a suit.

"So, sweetheart, what are we having for dinner?"

"You've had dinner."

"Okay, we'll have breakfast. Waiter."

The waiter appeared.

"The lady will have herbal tea and the lasagna. Bring me a soda and the fettuccini. Don't skimp on the breadsticks."

"How did you know what I wanted?" she asked amazed.

"I have my ways," he replied, giving thumbs up to Jinx when Raven looked away.

**After a while**

Beast Boy and Raven were standing on the deck looking at the ocean.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she said of the view.

"Yeah, beautiful," He replied, looking at her.

After what seemed forever, they kissed.

"I've been waiting to do that all day," Rae said.

"Likewise."

As they kissed again, they ship lurched.

"This is why I hate ships," Raven said, "Let's take a plane next time."

"It's not as romantic," BB replied holding her hands.

"Hey, guys!" someone shouted, making them jump.

It was Cyborg and the others.

"The ship's coming into port. Let's get home."

The pair nodded and joined the group. After gathering there luggage, they got ready to leave the ship. Kid Flash and Jinx had another idea.

"We're leaving now," KF explained, "This unloading stuff takes too long."

"Suits me fine. Let's head home," Jinx replied.

KF picked her up in his arms and sped off into the distance.

"I wondered why she didn't have any bags," Cy said.

"I'll take Jericho with me," Rose said, "Let's go bro."

He nodded as they disappeared into the crowd.

"She'll make sure nothing happens to him," Robin said.

"I guess that solves my problem," Cy said.

"What was that, friend?" Star asked.

"Just in case they asked about our tickets. Now there are just us five."

"Dude, I would have totally pulled a fast one. I'd make them think I was a celebrity."

"Oh, please," Raven said as they walked off.

"No, really. Well, okay, maybe their nephew or something."

"A green-skinned nephew?"

"Like what celebrity?" Robin asked.

"Maurice Chevalier."

"Who?"

"You've never heard of Maurice Chevalier, Cy? He was a great singer."

"I believe I have," Star said.

"Well, I don't wanna hear you sing, BB."

"Why not?"

BB pulled out a hat from nowhere and began to sing.

"_If a Nightingale could sing like you_

_They'd sing much sweeter than they do_

_For you brought a new kind of love to me!"_

"Keep singing like that and we'll get _thrown_ off the boat," Cy quipped.

BB pouted, but Raven patted him on the back.

"Oh relax," she said, "Let's have a private ball in my room. You can sing for me."

"Really?"

"Really really."

As they made there way to the tower, BB happily said, "Today wasn't so boring after all. I love cruise ships."


	5. The Three Titans

Notes: another comedy team that everyone should know

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans

That's Not Normal

Ch. 5: The Three Titans

* * *

It was a nice, peaceful day at Titans Tower. Robin and Star were in the training room doing whatever. (The others didn't want to think about it) Cyborg and Beast Boy were playing videogames, while Raven sat beside BB with a book and earplugs inserted. Little did they know that trouble was headed their way.

Gizmo, having somehow escaped prison, snuck out on his own and managed to fly with his jetpack to the top of the tower and hack into the security systems.

"This'll teach those cruddy Titans to mess with me," Gizmo snickered.

The system powered down and then he crawled through the air ducts until he reached the control room. Once there, he tapped into it with his gear.

"Let's see how the Titans like it when their plumbing and electricity don't work."

**A few minutes later**

Raven was trying to turn on the stove to boil water, but it wouldn't turn on. Then she went over to the sink to turn on the faucet, but that didn't work either.

"Cyborg," she called.

"What's up, Raven?"

"Something's wrong with the sink and the stove. They're not working."

"What? Let me see."

Cy got up and went into the kitchen. Sure enough, nothing worked.

"What does it matter," Beast Boy said, "As long as we have TV?"

Just then the television shut off on its own. BB screamed long and loud.

"We're doomed!"

Raven was about to get him to shut up, when they heard a thud. The trio turned to see one of the doors shaking as if someone was pounding on it.

Beast Boy put his ear up to the door.

"Why isn't the door opening?" asked Robin on the other side.

"Allow me to open it," Star replied.

Suddenly, the door went flying off its hinges and fell to the ground. Unfortunately, it was also right on top of Beast Boy.

"Something's wrong with the power," Raven stated.

"Don't worry," Cyborg said, "I can fix it. Beast Boy can help."

"We're trying to _fix_ the problem, Cy," Robin replied.

"Have a little confidence in the grass stain. Say something, BB."

Cy looked around the room.

"Where'd he go?"

"Um, friends," Starfire spoke up, "I believe he is under the door."

Everyone looked down at the door.

"Oh no," Cy said as he lifted the door.

"Took you guys long enough," BB replied rather annoyed.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Raven asked.

"I wanted to see how long it would take you to realize I was missing."

He received a slap on the cheek from Raven.

"It was still worth it," BB said as he rubbed his cheek.

"Hey, you know your door's not working?" said a voice.

BB yelped and spun around to see Kid Flash standing there.

"How did you get in?" asked Cy.

"I vibrated my molecules to go through the door. Now would you mind opening it for Jinx?"

Cyborg walked over to the door and obliged.

"About time," Jinx said, "What's the deal?"

"The power's going haywire," Cy replied.

"I'll help you fix it," Kid Flash volunteered.

"Fine, it'll be you, me, and Beast Boy. BB, get the tools."

"What tools?" BB asked.

"The tools I always use."

"Oh, those tools."

BB ran out of the room and came back with his arms full of equipment.

"On your toes, BB." Cy said clapping him on the back.

Beast Boy dropped the tools on Robin's feet.

"Ow, not _my_ toes!" Robin exclaimed.

"Maybe we should call a professional," Rae suggested.

"No way," BB replied, "We three are the best plumbers that ever plumbed."

"Enough already," Cy said, "Let's get to the basement."

"Where is the basement?" KF asked.

"Upstairs," BB said.

"Up to the basement!" Cy exclaimed as he picked up the tools.

Despite this, they ran downstairs in the right direction. At last, they found a leaky pipe.

"We found it," KF said.

"A simple job for simple people," BB stated.

"Speak for yourself," Cy quipped.

"Let's shut the water off," KF said.

"Right, you do it, BB."

"Me?"

Suddenly, the water turned off by itself.

"What happened?" asked BB.

"That's what I'd like to know," Cy replied, "Go check upstairs."

"Okay, fine, make me do everything."

BB walked off slowly.

"Get going!" Cy yelled as he held up a wrench.

Needless to say, BB hightailed it upstairs fast. He bumped right into Starfire, who luckily fell into Robin's arms.

"Don't mind me," BB said as he ran off, "I'm only the plumber."

BB went into the bathroom and looked around.

"Where do you shut off the water?"

**Just then…**

"I'll give that loser water," Gizmo said and he typed in some commands.

**And so…**

Suddenly, the shower turned on.

"What the?"

BB turned the handle and turned the water off.

"That was easy."

The faucet began shooting out water. The showerhead followed suite.

"This place is haunted."

**Meanwhile**

"What's taking that imbecile so long?" Cy asked.

"It doesn't matter," KF replied, "The water stopped."

Cy then started to work.

"You better go check outside for any malfunctions," he said.

"No problem," KF said as he grabbed a shovel.

He turned, but hit Cy in the head with the shovel. Before he could take off, Cy grabbed him by the hair and bonked KF on the head.

"Watch what you're doing, porcupine. Go on!"

"Grouch," KF muttered before he sped out.

"Everything looks ok here," Cy said to himself, "I'll go check upstairs."

**Elsewhere**

Beast Boy was running as fast as he could away from the flooding bathroom. He was so focused, he ran right into Raven, his lips meeting hers. Time seemed to freeze, but then BB spoke.

"I didn't know you cared, Rae."

She replied by slapping him in the face. She turned to leave, but smiled to herself.

"What a babe," BB said as he went to the living room.

"There you are," Cy said, "Are you checking the other pipes?"

"Certainly."

"What about the kitchen sink?"

"I was getting to it."

"Grab your ear," Cy ordered.

BB obliged.

"Come on," Cy said as he pulled Beast Boy's arm.

"Ouch!"

"You see that?" BB held out a fist.

Cy smacked it, and it swung under and over onto BB's head. Cy then grabbed BB by the collar.

"Now listen, grapehead, I'll explain it so even you can understand it. Check under the sink for leaks. Is that too hard for you?"

BB scowled, but did as told. He opened the cabinets under the sink and looked at the pipes. Water suddenly shot him in the face.

"There's a leak."

"Let me see."

Cy looked under.

"I don't see anything. Quit playing around."

BB scratched his head. He knew what he felt. He stuck his head back under the sink and was met with another spray of water in the face.

"It happened again!" BB exclaimed.

"What?"

"Just watch."

BB stuck his head under and was again sprayed.

"See?" he said before he morphed into a dog to shake off the water.

Cyborg looked again and this time he was sprayed.

"Oh, a wise guy, eh? Let's go outside and get KF."

The two went outside and KF was standing outside the door.

"I didn't see anything."

Cy screamed at the sight of all the holes dug in the ground. He was about to strike KF, when a cry of help came from inside. The trio ran back inside to see Star backing out of the kitchen. The stove was shooting out water.

"This place is haunted!" BB screamed.

"I'm checking out the control room," Cy said.

He was about to leave the room, when he smacked BB and KF upside their heads.

"What was that for?" BB asked.

"Yeah," KF added, "We didn't do anything."

"That's in case you do and I'm not around."

The two glared as Cyborg stepped out of the room.

**Meanwhile**

"Crud," Gizmo said, "That stupid Titan is coming in here. Gotta hide."

He crawled back into the air vent. Cyborg walked in and looked around.

"Someone's been hacking into the system," Cy said to himself.

"_How could he tell just by looking?" _Gizmo wondered.

Cy went back into the living room. He motioned for Raven to come close. He whispered something to her. She nodded and went over to Beast Boy to share the secret. BB in turn told Kid Flash, who told Jinx, who told Starfire, who told Robin. The group nodded to each other and continued their activities.

Raven sat down on the couch and meditated.

"What are you standing around for?!" Cy shouted at BB and KF.

"You were doing something," BB replied.

"Well get back to work."

"Not me," BB answered indignantly.

Cy slapped him.

"Not me!"

Cy slapped him twice.

"I'm still not working."

Cy slapped him twice, hit him in the gut and the forehead, and then bonked him on top of his head.

"Now are you gonna work?" Cy questioned.

"Well, I don't know now," BB calmly replied.

"BB, look at my hand and pick out two fingers."

BB picked the first two fingers.

"One, two. Ouch!"

Cy poked BB in the eyes.

"Why don't you leave him alone?" KF demanded.

Cy pulled on Kid Flash's hair.

"What're you butting in for?"

BB was laughing at KF.

"Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk!"

KF zoomed over to BB.

"Last time I help you," he said as he slapped BB.

Cy pulled him back by the hair.

"Who you slapping?"

Cy backed this up with a slap.

"And as for you," he said as he looked at BB.

Cy pounded on BB's head and sent him to the floor. BB proceeded to run in a big circle on the floor. The other two could only watch.

"Woop woop woop woop woop woop woop woop!!" BB exclaimed.

All this time, in the air vent, Gizmo was trying to restrain himself from laughing. That moment, he was thrown from the vent into the living room.

"Got him," Raven said.

Gizmo was about to use his equipment to get away, but it shorted out and wouldn't work.

"What the…?"

"Oops, it broke," Jinx said from behind him.

Gizmo made a run for it, only to run into Star and Robin.

"You are surrounded," Star said.

"Yeah," BB added, "What she said."

Cy smacked him upside the head.

"Why don't you be quiet?"

"Come on now," Robin said as he grabbed Gizmo, "It's back to jail for you."

He and Star left carrying out the creep.

"Looks like we did it," Cy said with a smug look.

"What do you mean we?" BB asked, "Ruff!"

"Beast Boy," Raven said, "Don't bark at Cyborg."

"Jinx," Kid Flash said, "You're my life, my love, my all."

"Thanks, now let's eat."

BB looked over at Raven.

"That was cool, Rae."

"Thanks."

"After being hit repeatedly though, I'm gonna take a nap."

"Good idea."

**Later**

BB awoke and walked into the living room. Cy and Speedy were there putting up wallpaper. Suddenly, three men in suits came in.

"Pardon us, gentlemen."

The three looked around.

"He must mean us," Cy said to the other two.

"We're businessmen from another country. We heard all about you and wish to engage your services. We think you're perfect for the job."

They were pointing at Beast Boy.

"Me?"

"Him?" Cy and KF chimed in.

"Yes, you shall be dictator of our country."

"What's a dictator do?" BB asked.

"Why he makes love to beautiful women, drinks champagne, enjoys life, and never works."

"I've already got a hot babe, but go on," BB commented.

"He makes speeches to the people promising them plenty, gives them nothing, then takes everything. That's a dictator!"

"Oh, a parasite," Speedy spoke up, "That's for me."

"Quiet! I must think," BB said as he sat down.

He thought it over for a minute and sprang back up.

"I like the job, but I can't leave my friends. Our motto is one for all and all for me."

"We won't break your triumvirate."

They pointed at Cyborg.

"You'll be Field Marshall and head of all our fighting forces."

"With a uniform?"

"You can have as many as you want after you've shot the general wearing it."

"Booyah!"

They pointed to Speedy.

"You'll be Minister of Propaganda."

"What's propaganda?" Speedy inquired.

"A propaganda and a mamagander get together and have goslings," Cy answered.

"Okay, we'll do it. Now what?" BB questioned the men.

"You start a beer putsch."

"How?" Speedy asked.

"Putsch your beer down and wait for the pretzels," Cy jokingly explained.

"No, you go to all the saloons and buy beer for the all the saloonatics. Then you march them to the palace and force the king to abdicate, which will make you dictator."

"Hail!" the trio cried.

**Still later**

BB was now standing on a balcony in a tan trench coat. Cyborg was to his left in a general's uniform that was covered with medals. On his right was Speedy in a black suit and top hat.

"My good people," BB began, "I'm pleased to see this little gathering."

An enormous crowd stood below listening.

"We must overthrow the monarchy to make this country safe for hypocrisy!"

Speedy held up a sign that said 'Cheer.'

'We'll have less work and more play!"

Speedy held up a sign that said 'Hiss.' The crowd did so. BB kicked Speedy in the leg and he switched the sign around so it said 'Cheers' again.

"Our country must expand. We must extend our neighbors a helping hand. _Two_ helping hands. Then help ourselves to our neighbors!"

BB then began ranting and raving in another language. Not even Cy or Speedy knew what he was saying. BB went on for a few minutes like this.

Then he said, "Yah?"

He looked at Cy, "Yah?"

He looked at Speedy, "Yah?"

"Yah, man!" the three shouted.

"Halleluiah!" Speedy threw in, only to receive a slap to the face.

"And now the time," Cy said.

"When your hear the conk," Speedy said, "It will be three o'clock."

He hit Cyborg's head with a hammer to produce the conk.

"Three o'clock," Cy said.

"3 o'clock," Speedy said.

"It must be 3:00," BB replied.

The three then began to laugh evilly.

**Later again**

"Where's my sectry?" BB asked.

"Secretary," Speedy corrected.

"Which is correct?" BB asked Cy.

"Stenographer."

Cy then sat down to read a book.

"Hey," BB said, "Don't read that book. Suppose you learn something. Burn all the books."

"Not this book," Cy shot back.

BB looked through it to see a list of girl's phone numbers.

"I'll keep this."

"Oh, a bookkeeper, eh?!" Cy cried.

"Why burn the books?" Speedy asked.

"Bookies are overrunning the country," BB explained.

Raven came in.

"I have foreseen that your regime will come to an abrupt end. Also get some more food for dinner. I'm not about to do everything."

She then left.

"That was weird," BB said.

"I don't trust her," Cy said.

"What are you gonna do?" BB asked sarcastically, "Shoot her?"

Cy showed him a pair of dice and said, "Yes."

"With dice?"

"They're loaded."

Speedy spoke up, "As Minister of Propaganda, I –"

"Don't wanna hear from you," BB finished with a slap.

BB walked off.

"What's the matter with him?" Speedy asked Cyborg.

"He's grouchy from getting up on the wrong side of the gutter. I oughta take him up to the roof and overthrow him."

Suddenly, they heard a loud noise.

"What's that?" Cy asked.

They looked out the window.

"It's the king and a huge crowd of people," Speedy observed.

"They're coming to get us!" Cy exclaimed.

"Let's get out of here!" BB screamed.

The trio ran into a random empty room.

"That was close," BB said.

The room wasn't empty, however, because it housed the lions.

"I knew we should have picked a better place to put these," Cy complained.

The lions sprang at them.

"Beast Boy, wake up!"

"Huh?"

"What were you doing?" asked Raven.

BB was on the floor.

"Nightmare. Sort of. Anyway, Rae, I'm in the mood to watch some Three Stooges. Let's go!"

He ran out into the hallway. Raven shook her head and sighed.

"What a half wit."


	6. Something completely different

Notes: For those who don't get it, go watch Monty Python's Flying Circus

Disclaimer: I have never owned Teen Titans or Monty Python

That's Not Normal

Ch. 6: Something Completely Different

* * *

Robin was wearing a suit and sitting at a desk in the middle of a field while talking on the phone. Beast Boy came running out of the woods into the field. He was wearing a ragged, ripped suit. He finally stopped at the desk and Robin hung up the phone.

Rob: And now for something completely different…

BB: It's…

**Teen Titans**

Beast Boy was watching television, as usual. Raven walked in and sighed.

"Beast Boy, don't you ever do anything worthwhile?"

"I think Monty Python is very worthwhile, Rae."

"Why don't you try reading a book?"

She handed him the book she was holding.

"The Crucible? That movie was boring."

"It's not the same thing," she paused for a moment, "Well, in this case it was."

"Aren't you reading this?"

"I've already read it. Now go to your room and read it, now!"

BB rushed out of the living room as fast as possible. When he reached his room, he sat down and started reading. This, of course, made him drowsy. As he started nodding off, Robin suddenly burst into his room.

"Beast Boy, come on, emergency!"

BB sprang from his bed to see the others there as well.

"What's wrong?" BB asked.

"We're needed as soon as possible," Rob replied.

"Okay, but for what?"

"To put on a play of The Crucible."

"Are you sure that constitutes an emergency?"

"Only we can perform this to ultimate perfection, Beast Boy."

BB looked at the others, but they merely shrugged.

"Titans, go!"

**A little later**

The Titans arrived at the theater.

"I've called every Titan possible for this mission," Robin explained.

"Let us get started please," Starfire said.

The curtain dropped. Then it rose to show the first scene. Hot Spot was lying on a bed with Argent looking over him. Killowatt entered dressed as a doctor.

"Doctor," Argent started to say.

"Yes," Killowatt replied, "Me doctor, him patient, you nurse."

"Will he be alright?" Argent asked.

"How do you feel?" Killowatt asked Hot Spot.

"I feel alright except…"

Hot Spot rose from the bed to show that he was wearing a handkerchief on his head and a false moustache.

"My brain hurts!" he shouted, "I also have the urge to hit two bricks together!"

BB poked his head in as a twelve foot hedgehog.

BB: Dinsdale?!

"Not now," Argent replied.

BB exited stage left.

"They're all witches!" Kole accused as she burst into the scene.

"What's the idea?" Killowatt asked.

"But it's my only line," sobbed Kole.

Robin, dressed as a reverend, dragged in Bumblebee.

"What was in that pot of yours? Don't try to lie. I saw all you girls dancing in the woods," Robin demanded.

Bee: Well, there was egg and bacon, egg, sausage and bacon, egg and spam, egg, bacon and spam, egg, bacon, sausage and spam, Spam, bacon, sausage and spam, Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam, Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam, Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam, and lobster thermidore aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

"Did you have anything without Spam in it?" Argent asked

Bee: Well, spam, egg, sausage and spam hasn't got that much Spam in it.

A: I don't want any spam.

"What's wrong with egg, bacon, spam and sausage?" asked Killowatt.

A: That's got Spam in it.

KW: Not as much as spam, egg, sausage and spam.

A: I'm British and I don't like Spam!

Suddenly, every other male Titan burst into the scene dressed as Vikings.

Vikings: Spam, spam, spam, spam, spammity spam, wonderful spam!

A: SHUT UP!!

HS(Gumby): The next scene is over there! OVER THERE!

The scene changed to reveal Red Star dressed as a judge. In walked two more judges played by Thunder and Lightning.

T: G'day, Bruce.

RS: Hello, Bruce.

L: How are you, Bruce?

RS: Bit crook, Bruce.

T: Where's Bruce?

RS: He's not here, Bruce.

L: It's awful hot in here, Bruce.

RS: Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum, Bruce.

T: That's a strange expression, Bruce.

RS: Well, before we left England, I heard the prime minister use it. 'It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum, Your Majesty' he said and she smiled quietly to herself.

L: She's a fine sheila, Bruce, and not at all stuck up.

T: Here comes the boss fella now.

In came Cyborg, also dressed as a judge, with Robin beside him.

Cy: Boys, this here's our new recruit, the reverend, to help with the witch hunt.

T: Padre, are you a poofter?

Rob: No!

Cy: In that case, I'll read the official rules. 1(No poofters, 2(No one is to maltreat the natives in any way whatsoever – if there's anyone watching, 3(No poofters, 4(I don't want to catch any of you not drinking after lights out, 5(No poofters, 6(There is _no_ rule six, 7(No poofters.

T, L, and RS: Well spoken, Bruce!

RS: Let's get some sheilas.

In came Bumblebee, with a tray of meat.

T: Ah, elevensies.

L: This oughta tide us over 'til lunchtime.

RS: Sidney Nolan, the scene's changing!

Now it showed Beast Boy and Raven in their house. Robin walked inside.

"Hello."

"Hello, Reverend," replied Raven.

"I came to ask you a few questions. We've been getting a lot of claims about witchcraft and I thought I'd ask you if you know the Ten Commandments."

BB counted off, "Don't covet, don't steal, no bearing false witness, remember the Sabbath day, no other gods, no graven images, honor thy father and mother, and…"

"Adultery," Raven said.

"Yeah, what she said."

"Very good," Robin said as he looked around.

He spotted something on the mantle.

"What's this doll doing here?" he questioned.

"I don't know," BB shot back, "It's not ours. What's have to do with anything? You said you were just going to ask a few questions. I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition."

A dramatic chord struck and three red robed men burst through the door. They were Kid Flash, Herald, and Bushido.

KF: _Nobody_ expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise. Surprise and fear, fear and surprise. Our _two_ weapons are fear and surprise, and ruthless efficiency. Our _three_ weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope. Wait, our four…I'll come in again.

They rushed out the door.

BB: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

_(Dramatic chord)_

KF: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope, and nice red uniforms, oh, dang it!

KF turned to Bushido.

KF: You'll have to say it.

B: What?

KF: You'll have to say the bit about 'our chief weapons are.'

B: I couldn't do that.

Regardless, KF ushered them out the door. BB looked annoyed now.

BB: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

_(Dramatic chord)_

B: Nobody, uh –

KF: _Expects_

B: - expects the, uh, the Spanish, um –

KF: _Inquisition_

B: I know, I know. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact those that do –

KF: _Our chief weapons are_

B: Our chief weapons are, um –

KF: _Surprise_

B: Surprise, and –

KF: STOP!

Kid Flash moved forward.

KF: Our chief weapon is surprise, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

He called for Herald.

KF: Cardinal, read the charges.

H: You are hereby charged that you did commit heresy against the holy church. My –

KF: That's enough. How do you plead?

Rae: We're innocent.

_(Diabolical laughter)_

KF: We'll soon change your mind about that!

KF turned to Bushido.

KF: Cardinal, get the rack.

Bushido pulled out a dish rack. Kid Flash saw this and groaned.

KF: Let's just take her to court.

BB: No! Take me instead.

KF: Whatever. End scene.

**Intermission**

Cyborg went through the audience selling 'snacks.'

He called out, "Albatross! Albatross!"

Speedy was feeling peckish so he stepped up.

"Albatross?"

"Two choc ices, please," Speedy requested.

"I haven't got choc ices," Cy replied, "I only got the albatross. Albatross!"

"What flavor is it?"

"It's a bird isn't it? A bloody sea bird. It's not any bloody flavor. Albatross!"

"Do you get wafers with it?"

Cy gave him a look.

"Course you don't get bloody wafers with it! Albatross!"

"Well how much is it?"

"Ten cents."

"I'll take two, please."

Speedy took the albatross backstage. Cy resumed selling 'snacks.'

"Gannet on a stick!"

**End of Intermission**

The curtain rose to reveal Aqualad going up to Speedy. The former was dragging something on the ground behind him.

AL: I wish to register a complaint.

S: I'm leaving for lunch.

AL: Never mind that, my good man. I want to complain about this pig I bought from you only thirty minutes ago.

S: You mean my prize boar? What's wrong with it?

AL: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, it's dead.

S: Nah, it's resting, look.

AL: Look, I know a dead pig when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.

S: No, it's resting. Great pig, well bred species, that one.

AL: Species don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

S: No, it's resting.

AL: Resting? Well, I'll wake it up then.

He pulled the body closer.

AL: Hello, piggy! I've got a nice truffle for you if you wake up!

Speedy nudged it with his foot.

S: There, it moved.

AL: That was you kicking it.

S: Was not.

AL: You did.

Aqualad lifted the body.

AL: Hello, piggy!

He kicked the body.

AL: Pretty piggy!

He lifted the huge pig and let it drop to the ground.

AL: Now that's what I call a dead pig.

S: Nah, it's stunned.

AL: I've had enough of this. It's definitely deceased. You assured me its lack of movement was from being tired after a long night of eating.

S: It's simply pining for the wild.

AL: What kind of talk is that? Why did it fall flat on its belly the minute I got it home?

S: That king of pig prefers to be lying on its belly.

AL: Look, I examined that pig, and I noticed that its eyes were open only because they were nailed open.

S: If I didn't do that it would sleep all day.

AL: Look, matey, this pig wouldn't so much as move even if you shot 4000 volts through it. It's bleeding demised.

S: It's pining.

AL: It's not pining it's passed on. It's no more, ceased to be, expired and gone to meet its maker, it's a late pig, it's a stiff, bereft of life it rests in peace, pushing up the daisies, it's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible, this is an ex-pig!"

S: Well, I better replace it then.

AL: You want something done in this country you've got to complain 'til you're blue in the mouth.

S: I'm fresh out of pigs, gov, but my brother might have one in the shop on the other side of town.

AL: Very well.

**Later, at a farm on the other side of town**

Speedy was standing by a barn wearing a false moustache. Aqualad gave him a look, but proceeded to talk.

AL: Is this the right farm?

S: No.

AL: But it's the right address.

S: Okay, that was a pun.

AL: A pun?

S; Hey, what do you want?

AL: No, never mind, I don't think I can continue my line on enquiry any farther. This has gotten far too silly.

Robin walked out dressed as an army colonel.

Rob: Quite agree, quite agree, silly, silly, silly. Get on with it!

AL: Wait, I almost forgot.

Aqualad pointed at Speedy.

AL: You're a witch!

The scene changed to a pub. Several people were there relaxing and talking. Mas and Menos were sitting across from Pantha.

"It is crazy how everyone is accusing everyone else of being a witch," she said.

Mas and Menos nodded.

"Do not worry, my friends, I wouldn't do that."

The twins smiled and pulled out some bananas from a bag. Pantha screamed.

"You are carrying dangerous weapons. I trusted you. You must be witches!"

Wildebeest and Jericho came in and dragged the twins out.

"Good thing I knew about those self defense classes."

(Scene change to a gym)

Robin is dressed as a gym teacher, ranked as a sergeant major. His class only consists of four people played by Thunder, Lightning, Speedy, and Hot Spot.

Rob: Evening, course.

All: Evening.

Rob: Where's all the others then?

All: Not here.

Rob: I can see that. What's the matter with 'em?

All: Dunno.

HS: Suppose they've got flu.

Rob: Flu?! They've been eating too much fresh fruit. Now then, self defense. Tonight I'll be carrying on where I left off last week when I was showing you how to defend yourself against anyone who attacks you armed with a piece of fresh fruit.

The class groaned.

S: You promised we wouldn't do fruit this week.

Rob: What do you mean?

T: Well, we've done fresh fruit for the last nine weeks.

Rob: What's wrong with fruit? You think you know it all, eh?

S: Can't we do something different for a change?

L: Like someone who attacks you with a pointed stick?

Rob: Pointed stick?! Want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you, eh? Well, I'll tell you something, my lad, when you're walking home tonight and some homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries don't come crying to me! Right, the passion fruit. When the assailant lunges at you with the passion fruit thus –

All: We've done the passion fruit.

Rob: What?

HS: We've done the passion fruit.

S: We've done oranges, apples, grapefruits –

T: Whole and segments. Pomegranates, greengages –

HS: Grapes, passion fruit –

S: Lemons –

T: Plums –

HS: Yeah, and mangoes in syrup.

Rob: How 'bout cherries?

All: Yes.

Rob: Red and black?

All: Yes.

Rob: Alright then, bananas. We haven't had them have we?

The class was disappointed.

All: No.

Rob: Right, bananas. It's very simple to defend yourself from the banana fiend. First, you force him to drop the banana. Next, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him helpless.

S: Suppose he's got a bunch?

Rob: Shut up!

L: Supposing he's got a pointed stick?

Rob: SHUT UP! You, Mr. Apricot, take this.

HS: Harrison.

Rob: Right, whatever, now come at me with that banana.

Hot Spot walked forward.

Rob: No, no, put something into it for God sake. Hold it like that.

He held the banana over his head.

Rob: Scream! Now, come on, attack me! Come on!

Hot Spot ran forward screaming, only to be shot by the teacher's gun.

Rob: Now, I eat the banana.

The class was shocked.

T: You shot him.

L: He's completely dead.

Robin waved them away.

Rob: I have eaten the banana. The deceased Mr. Apricot has been disarmed.

S: You shot him. You shot him dead.

Rob: Well, he was attacking me with a banana.

T: You told him to.

Rob: Look, I'm only doing my job. I've gotta show you how to defend yourselves against fresh fruit.

L: And pointed sticks.

Rob: SHUT UP!

S: Suppose someone comes at you with a banana and you haven't got a gun?

Rob: Run for it.

T: Well, you could stand to scream for help.

Rob: Yeah, you try that with a pineapple down your windpipe.

T: Pineapple?

Rob: Where? Where?!

T: Nowhere, I was just saying pineapple.

Robin breathed a sigh of relief.

Rob: Oh, I thought my number was on that one.

T: What on the pineapple?

Rob: Where? Where?!

T: Nowhere, I was just repeating it.

Rob: Oh, I see, right. Anyway, that's the banana, now the raspberry. Harmless lookin' thing isn't it?

He tossed it to Thunder.

Rob: You, Mr. Tinned Peach.

T: Thomson

Rob: Right, attack me with that raspberry. Come on, be as vicious as you like with it.

T: No.

Rob: Why not?

T: You'll shoot me.

Rob: I won't.

T: You shot Mr. Harrison.

Rob: That was self defense. Look, I promise I won't shoot you.

L: Promise you'll tell us about pointed sticks?

Rob: SHUT UP! Now brandish that raspberry. Come on! Be as vicious as you like with it. Come on!

T: Throw the gun away.

Rob: I don't have a gun.

T: Yes you have.

Rob: I haven't.

T: You have. You shot Mr. Harrison with it.

Rob: Oh, that gun.

T: Throw it away.

Rob: All right. Now, how to defend yourself against a raspberry _without_ a gun.

T: You were gonna shoot me!

Rob: I wasn't.

T: You were!

Rob: Oh, come on. Come on, you worm. You miserable little man. Come on, come at then! Do your worst, you worm.

As Thunder moved forward, Robin spun around to pull a lever on a wall. Thunder was crushed by a 16 ton weight.

Rob: If anyone attacks you with a raspberry, simply pull the lever and the 16 ton weight drops on his head. I learned that in Malaya.

S: Suppose you haven't got a 16 ton weight?

Rob: Well, that's the plan isn't it? Forethought.

S: Well, how many 16 ton weights are there?

Rob: Look, smarty-pants, the 16 ton weight is just _one_ way of killing the raspberry killer. There are millions of others!

S: Like what?

Rob: Shoot him?!

S: What if you don't have a gun _or_ a 16 ton weight?

Rob: Alright, clever dick, here's a basket of raspberries for each of you. Now attack me!

S: No gun?

Rob: No!

S: No 16 ton weight?

Rob: No!

L: No pointed stick?

Rob: SHUT UP!

S: No rocks up in the ceiling?

Rob: NO!

S: You won't kill us?

Rob: I won't.

S: You promise?

Rob: I promise I won't kill you. Now are you gonna attack me?!

S: All right.

Rob: Now don't rush me this time. I'm gonna turn me back so you can stalk me, right? Sneak up behind me quietly as you can, then in with the raspberries. Star moving!

The two remaining students moved forward.

Rob: Now, the first thing to do when you're faced with an ugly mob with raspberries is to…

He pulled another lever.

Rob: …release the tiger.

S, L: Ahhh!

Rob: The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that not only does it eat the raspberry laden foe, but also the raspberries. The tiger, however, does not relish the peach. The peach assailant should be attacked with a crocodile.

He began talking loudly to no one.

Rob: Now as for the rest of you, I know you're there hiding. Well, I've loaded myself with 200 tons of gelignite and if any of you so much as tries anything we'll all go up together. I warned you! Right, that's it!

_(Huge explosion)_

The scene changed yet again to reveal Jinx being shown several photos by Starfire.

"Here is one of myself," Star said as she handed the photo to Jinx.

Jinx took it and, after tearing it in half, threw it away.

"Here is one of Robin."

_(Rip)_

"Here is one of Silkie."

_(Rip)_

"Here is one of myself and Robin."

_(Rip)_

"Here is one of myself and Silkie."

_(Rip)_

"Here is one of Robin and Silkie."

_(Rip)_

"Here is one with the three of us together and you can see the Spanish Inquisition in the background as well."

"Oh," Jinx replied, "I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

_(Dramatic chord)_

KF: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

_(Cut to a dungeon)_

Kid Flash, Bushido, and Herald dragged Starfire into the dungeon and chained her to the wall. They stood around her.

KF: Now, woman, you have been charged on three counts of heresy. Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, heresy by action, that's four counts of heresy. Do you confess?

SF: I do not understand what I am accused of.

KF: Then we shall make you understand. Cardinal Bushido, fetch…the cushions.

_(Dramatic chord)_

Bushido came back with a pair of cushions.

B: Here they are, lord.

KF: Now, poke her with the soft cushions.

He did so.

KF: Confess! Confess! Confess!

B: They don't seem to be working, my lord.

KF: Did you make sure the stuffing is all in one end?

B: Yes, lord.

KF: She's made of harder stuff. Cardinal Herald, fetch…the comfy chair!

_(Dramatic chord)_

H: The comfy chair?!

He brought in the comfy chair from the back of the dungeon.

KF: Now, put her in the comfy chair!

They pushed Star into the chair.

KF: Now you shall sit in the comfy chair until lunchtime with only a pack of mustard. Now I'll make it worse by shouting. Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess!

B: I confess!

KF: Not you! Never mind, let's just keep the play moving.

The scene changed to a large group of people prodding Jinx along until they ran into the judge, who was played by Cyborg.

All: We found a witch!

Speedy: We've found a witch. May we burn her?

All: Burn her!

Cy: How do you know she's a witch?

Red Star: She looks like one.

Cy: Bring her forward.

Jinx: I'm not a witch!

Cy: You're dressed as one.

J: They dressed me up like this.

All: We didn't!

J: And this is a false nose.

Cyborg took off the fake nose. He then looked at the crowd.

Cy: Well?

S: Well, we did do the nose.

Cy: The nose?

S: And the hat, but she is a witch.

Cy: Did you dress her like this?

All: No, no! Yes. A bit.

Cy: What makes you think she's a witch?

Aqualad: Well, she turned me into a newt!

Cy: A newt?

Aqualad paused for a moment.

AL: I got better.

RS: Burn her anyway.

All: Burn her!

Cy: Quiet! There are ways of telling if she's a witch.

S: There are? What are they? Tell us!

All: Tell us!

RS: Do they hurt?

Cy: Tell me, what do you do with witches?

All: Burn them!

Cy: What do you burn apart from witches?

S: More witches!

Aqualad hit Speedy.

RS: Wood!

Cy: So why do witches burn?

The crowd was silent. Then Aqualad spoke up.

AL: Because they're made of wood?

Cy: Good! So how do we tell if she's made of wood?

S: Build a bridge out of her!

Cy: Can't you also build a bridge out of stone?

S: Oh, yeah.

Another pause.

Cy: Does wood sink in water?

S: No, it floats. Throw her into the pond!

Cy: Wait! What also floats in water?

S: Bread.

RS: Apples.

AL: Very small rocks.

S: Cider!

RS: Great gravy.

S: Cherries.

RS: Mud.

AL: Churches.

RS: Lead.

Robin: A duck!

Cy: Exactly. So, logically –

S: If she weighs the same as a duck she's made of wood.

Cy: And therefore?

Silence again.

RS: A witch!

All: A witch!

Jericho held up a duck.

All: A duck!

Cy: We'll use my largest scales.

All: Burn the witch!

Cyborg led the crowd to a large old fashioned pair of scales. The duck was put on one end and Jinx on the other.

Cy: Remove the supports!

They did so, and the duck and Jinx weighed the same.

All: A witch!

J: It's a fair cop.

The crowd grabbed Jinx and started to take her away.

J: Look! A swallow carrying a coconut.

All: Where?!

Everyone turned to look as Jinx made her getaway. This transitioned into the next scene. Now a courtroom dominated the stage. Beast Boy was in the defendant chair with new member Geo-Force as his attorney. Cyborg was the judge and Robin stood beside him. Raven sat with Beast Boy.

"Call Beast Boy…no wait," Cy started.

He leant over to Robin.

"What's his character's name?"

"I forget," Robin replied.

"Fine."

He sat up properly.

"Call Garfield Logan to the stand."

"Great," BB grumbled, "The real name."

He went up and sat in the chair.

"Do you confess to being a witch?" Robin asked.

"If it'll let me off the hook, then yes."

"Not so fast," Geo-Force called out.

"What?" Cy asked, "He's admitted it."

"Well, Your Honor, I call the deceased Ms. Terra to the stand."

They wheeled in a coffin.

"She's dead?"

"No, she's not quite dead, but she's not at all well."

"This is stupid," Cy said, "Move along."

"All right, bring in exhibit A."

Raven was pushed forward.

"I don't get it," Robin said.

"Neither do I," replied Geo-Force.

Jericho came over and hit GF over the head with a chicken.

"Let's get this over with. Just sign the paper and we'll nail it up."

"I can't do that," BB shot back, "It'll tarnish my name."

"Well, if you won't then I have to punish you."

"I'm thinking of moving where punishments are more severe," Robin stated.

"You would," Cy quipped, "I sentence the defendant to be hung until death."

BB Looked surprised, "I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!"

Everyone in the courtroom turned to look at the doors, but nothing happened.

**Elsewhere**

The Spanish Inquisition was running to catch a bus.

"Two, I mean _three_ for the old bailey, please," Kid Flash said.

"We've got to hurry," Bushido said, "The curtain's going down."

They finally arrived outside.

"Let's go," Herald said.

The trio burst into the courtroom.

KF: Nobody expects the Spa –

**THE END**

KF: Oh, bugger!

"BEAST BOY!"

Beast Boy fell out of his bed onto the floor. He looked up and saw Raven.

"What happened?" he asked.

"You fell asleep," she said, "I came to check on you and you were talking in your sleep."

"I was?"

"Yes. Saying things like 'Dinsdale' and 'Spanish Inquisition' and 'Spam.' I sounded pretty crazy."

"It was. Wanna make me feel better?"

"I suppose."

"Hey!"

"Oh, shut up."

She kissed him. BB broke away for a moment.

"End scene."


	7. Unleash the Beast

Notes: it's sci-fi and/or horror movie time

Disclaimer: I _still_ don't own Teen Titans

That's Not Normal

Ch. 7: Unleash the Beast

* * *

The Titans were relaxing today. The five of them were playing video games, and arguing, as usual, when the alarm went off.

"Trouble," Robin said.

"What's going on?" questioned Cyborg.

"It's just Gizmo, again," Raven answered.

"He most be stopped, nonetheless," Starfire said.

"Well, let's make it quick so we can get back and eat," Beast Boy replied.

**Soon**

"Crud!"

"That's about the only thing you can say," Cy replied.

"Just try and catch me," Gizmo taunted.

A black tendril wrapped around him.

"Gotcha," Raven said.

"That's what you think."

Gizmo pressed a button on a remote and a giant robot came out from behind a building.

"Titans, we've got trouble," Robin said.

Raven hurled Gizmo away.

"You win this time," she said.

"More than you think," he said to himself.

He then shot a dart as Beast Boy and it stuck to the back of his neck.

"Ouch!"

"What is it, friend?" Star asked.

"Just an itch," he replied, "Let's go."

The dart fell off, but a computer chip was left in its place.

**Later**

The sun was setting as the Titans arrived home.

"That was a pain," Cy said.

"We'll be ready next time he shows up," Robin reassured the team.

"Yes, let us not despair," Star chimed in.

Beast Boy was in dog morph scratching himself.

"Don't do that near the couch," Cy told him.

"Sorry."

"May we go to the mall of shopping for awhile?" Star asked.

"Sure, it'll help pass the time," Rob replied.

"I'm in," Cy said.

"I'm going to stay here and take a nap," Rae said.

"Me too. Right after I find something to eat," BB said.

"See you two later then," Rob said.

The three went out to the garage and took the T-Car.

"You think they'll make out while we're gone?" Cy asked.

"I don't want to know," Robin replied.

"That gives me the idea for later, Robin," Star said with a wink.

"Now it's awkward. Let's go!" Cy said loudly.

**Meanwhile**

Hidden in an abandoned building, Gizmo decided now was the time to put his invention to the test.

"The sound worked perfectly. I could hear everything they said as long as they were near this stupid green kid. Now for the main attraction."

Beast Boy was rummaging through the fridge at the time.

"I think this is expired," he said as he sniffed the contents of a container.

Gizmo cranked up the power. BB's eyes went blank.

"Turn off the power, elf boy."

BB silently walked to the main power grid and shut everything down.

"Now to deal with that Goth girl."

BB turned and started for Raven's room. Raven had a brief nap and awoke to see the moon already out. She reached over to turn on her lamp, but found it wouldn't turn on.

"What's the deal?"

She headed for the hall, but the door wouldn't open. She had to phase through it. As she got to the living room, she saw that every room was dark and the power was out.

"I wonder where Beast Boy is."

A low growling sound came from the darkness as an answer.

"Beast Boy?"

The growling became louder as a green leopard emerged from the shadows and stepped into the moonlight.

"Beast Boy," Raven said, "This joke isn't funny."

A loud roar was her response.

"He's being serious," she said quietly to herself, "But there's something wrong."

The leopard broke into a run straight at her. Just as it pounced, she dodged and ran.

"I couldn't use my powers to get away."

She avoided her pursuer and was hiding in the kitchen. A loud clang told her he figured out where she was. Now he was a large Raptor-like dinosaur.

He sniffed around and growled. He lifted his head and snorted. Then he began to bellow and bark.

"I can't let him see or hear me," she thought, "I have to be careful."

She made her way through the dark, but BB smelled her. He let out a shriek as he leapt towards her. She put up her shield before he could make it.

He snarled at the barrier and morphed into a gorilla. He began pounding on the barrier to no avail. After he pounded on his chest, he morphed a grizzly bear and continued the assault.

"If this keeps up I'll be too weak."

Raven suddenly made her defense push BB away and she headed for her room. She phased through the door and sighed.

"The still work, but not so much when Beast Boy is nearby."

She then heard scraping on the door. Beast Boy was an angry Doberman. The sound stopped. He crept under the door as a spider and then morphed into a very large tarantula.

"That's just stupid."

Raven backed away and used her powers to open the window and kicked the arachnid out. She then sat down to think things through. Not for long, though, because a crow was now perched on the windowsill. After letting out a caw, it shifted into a wolf. It snarled at Raven and went toward her.

She maneuvered her way past, avoiding the snapping jaws, and leapt out of the window. As she levitated to the roof, she heard his bone-chilling howl.

She reached the top and tried to think as a mist came through temporarily. She then heard a loud thump on the other side of the roof. Then a clicking as something made its way towards her. It was big and, even worse, it had wings. It was a Pteranodon. It shrieked at her as she ran.

It took flight and grabbed her with its powerful claws. She struggled as he took her above the ocean. With all her strength, she pried herself from his grip, ripping pieces of her leotard. He dove after her.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!"

A large boulder was sent flying at the Pterosaur and it fell past her to sink beneath the waves. Raven managed to slow her decent, but still fell into the cold water as well.

"Please be okay, Beast Boy."

A group of tentacles emerged from the water and tried to grab her. She swam as fast as she could to avoid the giant squid as it rose and snapped at her with its beak.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!"

Another large boulder crashed down on the leviathan. The arms sank back down and were replaced with a single long fin. Raven swam faster and harder as she knew a great white shark was coming. She reached the shallow water and the shark became a crocodile.

Raven moved as fast as possible as it lunged at her with a row of teeth. She was almost there when an anaconda tried to wrap its coils around her. She jumped and broke into a run. Now an elephant was charging after her. She managed to hide behind a rock. The pachyderm was replaced by a Tyrannosaurus Rex. It sniffed around as Rae crept to the other side of the beach.

She was about to make her way to the tower when a sound of thunder came from across the way. It was the T-Rex roaring at his prey. It came with unnatural speed towards her. She saw some rocks that were very closely wedged together and dove between them. The Rex's massive head couldn't get through, not even when using his tongue. It growled in frustration as it stormed off. It was suddenly quiet. Raven moved slightly to see what was going on, when a Spinosaurus stuck its croc-like jaws into the crevasse. It snagged her by her cloak and pulled her out. She quickly took off, shredding part of the cloak in the process.

The Spino loudly roared in anger and took off after her. However, she was now floating above him where he couldn't reach. The dinosaur realized this and disappeared around the other side of the tower.

"What could he possibly turn into that's worse?"

A massive wingbeat came in reply. She turned around fast to see a dark green Hungarian Horntail dragon staring at her with a mixture of anger and hunger.

"I should've known. He had to watch that movie."

She flew away fast so as to keep her distance.

"I wonder. If Beast Boy can recreate a snake's venom then does that mean he can breathe fire as well?"

She had to duck as a jetstream of flames came her way.

"That answers my question."

The dragon quickly caught up, but Raven used her soul self to pass through the tower. The dragon stopped quickly and grabbed onto the tower with its wing claws. It maneuvered its way up the tower to catch the prey. Raven was waiting on the other side of the tower. It got quiet, so she made her move.

Just then, the dragon screeched and lashed out with his tail. Raven managed to put up her shield before the blow, but was still knock away. The great beast followed suite as it flew down to her position.

"This has to stop now!"

She sent several rocks flying at the dragon, but he merely shrugged them off. He then retaliated with another breath of fire. Raven dodged this.

"I sense something bad about this. I need to get closer to him."

She flew back up to the roof with the oversized lizard at her heels. As she passed the top of the tower she phased through the roof. The dragon landed on the ground and began crawling around like a giant bat. He kept twitching his spike studded tail and snapping his jaws.

He scanned the entire rooftop and areas around it with his sharp eyes. Raven phased back onto the roof and levitated herself over the dragon. She then dropped herself onto his back. He roared as he spread his mighty wings and took off.

"All I can do now is hold on. I hope I know what I'm doing."

The dragon flew this way and that trying to shake off the annoyance. It made its way towards the city until it came to an old abandoned building.

"This stupid thing isn't working right," Gizmo complained, "He's heading straight for me! I've gotta hide."

The dragon smashed through the decrepit wall with its great tail. Raven jumped off at last. She then looked straight into the empty eyes of the beast.

"Beast Boy, stop it right now."

The dragon only roared in response. She used her powers to cause a tall stack of crates to pin down the dragon. It writhed and squirmed to free itself.

"Give it up, loser," Gizmo's voice rang out from seemingly everywhere, "He's under my control now. You can't beat my technology."

Raven ignored him and walked right up to the dragon. It seemed to grow quiet as she came close. She then gently placed her hand on his face.

"Garfield," she whispered, "I know you can hear me in there. I thought you were stronger than this. Fight it. I know you won't hurt me."

She then wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I love you."

The dragon shuddered and started to purr. The computer chip crackled and popped off and slowly the dragon changed back into Beast Boy. Raven's arms were still around his neck as he looked at her.

"Thanks, Rae."

"Don't mention it."

As they kissed, Gizmo made a run for it. He wasn't looking and slammed into something hard and hairy. He looked up to see Beast Boy in his were-beast form.

"I'm sorry?" he offered.

BB replied with a spine-tingling howl. Gizmo freaked and ran for it. He skidded to a halt upon seeing a creepier than usual Raven looming over him.

"Going somewhere?"

"Jail please."

**Later**

The pair was finally resting at home. The other three came back as well.

"We got held up by some other H.I.V.E. members," Rob explained.

"Yeah, so what happened?" asked Cy.

Raven and Beast Boy gave both sides of their story.

"That is an awful thing to do," Star said.

"Hey, everything turned out all right, Star," BB reassured her.

"He won't be causing any trouble for a while," Raven said.

"Who wouldn't if you looked at them like that," BB replied.

"What?"

"I'm just saying, Rae."

The two stared bickering.

"I don't like where this is going," Cy said to the others.

"Let's back out quietly," Rob said.

"Agreed," Star said.

The trio slowly made their way to the hallway and bolted through the door. Once they were gone, the two stopped.

"Hey, it worked," BB said.

"Naturally," Rae replied.

"You're brilliant, you know that?"

"It helps if you say it."

She pulled him onto the couch.

"Now come here, you animal."

BB growled in reply.

On the other side of the door, the others came back and were listening.

"It sounds too quiet," Cy said, "You think they left?"

"Maybe they knocked each other out," Rob suggested.

"We must find out," Star said.

She slid the door open by a fraction. She then turned away smiling.

"What is it?" asked Robin.

"You do not want to know."

"Tell us," Cy pleaded.

"I believe they are doing what you call the wrestling."

"This I gotta see," Cy said.

He looked only to turn right around.

"What the…?"

"With their tongues," Star added.

"All in favor of going back out?" Rob asked.

Everyone raised their hand.

"Let's go before it gets really animalistic."

They broke into a run, while Star was trying not to laugh too loud.


	8. The Titan Show

Notes: Sorry it took so long.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Teen Titans, The Muppet Show, Alice in Wonderland, or The Wizard of Oz

That's Not Normal

Ch. 8: The Titan Show

* * *

Today at Titans Tower, everyone was doing their normal activities.

"Hey," BB said, "Has anyone noticed Robin isn't here?"

"I figured he was training or something," Raven replied.

Cyborg and Starfire nodded in agreement.

Just then, Robin came through the front door.

"Team," he said, "We've got a job to do."

They were paying close attention.

"The city is raising money for charity and has asked us to help by putting on a show."

They stared at him.

"You're kidding, right?" Raven questioned.

"No."

"You mean like a talent show type of thing?" BB asked.

"More or less. I've asked every Titan to participate."

"Oh, this should be most exciting," Star said.

"Let's do it then," Cy said.

They went off to prepare.

**Much later**

A large crowd was assembled in a large theater. Out came Robin as the master of ceremonies. He was wearing a suit.

"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for coming out tonight to support this event. Now my team and I will perform a show as a special treat. I'd like to start things of with a few jokes of my own. I just got back from a pleasure trip. I dropped my mother-in-law off at the airport."

The audience chuckled.

"Then a funny thing happened –"

"Funny! Funny!" some obviously bored voices cried out.

"What the…?"

Robin looked around. He then noticed Beast Boy and Cyborg sitting in a box section.

"What are you doing up there?!"

"Watching your act," Cy explained.

"We couldn't resist," BB added.

"Fine, but keep quiet."

"Hey, Rob," BB called.

"What?"

"I figured out your style. You work like Gregory Peck."

"Gregory Peck isn't a comedian."

"Well?"

Now the audience was laughing.

"Hey, if I can fight crime, I can do this. I've been successful half my life."

"How come we got this half?" Cy quipped.

"Look," Rob said sounding frustrated, "Did you come here to be entertained or not?"

"That's right," Cy said.

"What's right?"

"We came here to be entertained, and we're not."

"Oh, yeah? I'd like to see you come down here and be funny."

"You first," BB replied.

The audience kept laughing.

"Very funny. Don't pay attention to him, ladies and gentlemen. He's the fifth child in a family of four. Now let me tell my story –"

"Hey, Rob!" Cy shouted.

"What?"

"You know what you're doing wrong?"

"What?"

"You're standing too close to the audience."

Robin took a step back.

"How's this?"

"You're still too close."

Robin took another step back.

"Better?"

"A little more."

"How far back do you want me to go?"

"Got a car?"

Cy laughed at his own joke along with BB and the audience.

"If you two don't stop, I'll have the usher throw you out!"

"He can't. He's busy," BB shot back.

"Doing what?"

"Keeping people in!"

Robin looked out at the hysterical audience.

"You're encouraging them!"

He looked back at Cy and BB.

"I've got a good mind to punch you in your nose."

"Please," BB replied, "Not while I'm holding it."

"That's pretty funny," Robin conceded.

"You can use it."

"I don't need your material. I've got a million funny lines in the back of my head."

"How come they never reach your mouth?" Cy responded.

"Will you two give it a rest? You think I'm doing this for fun?"

"Not so far."

"I see. So, you think you could do better?"

"I couldn't do worse."

"Alright. I dare you both to come down here and entertain."

"We should," BB said to Cy.

"Can you sing?"

"No," BB replied.

"Can you dance?"

"No," Cy replied.

"Can you get laughs?"

"No," Cy said again.

"Then what would you do?"

"Just what you're doing!" BB joked.

The audience was roaring with laughter.

"That's it! I'm calling the police."

"Good idea," Cy remarked, "You need all the protection you can get."

"All right, that's it!"

Kid Flash came on stage.

"Hey, Rob," Kid Flash asked, "How's it going?"

"These two have been heckling me since I came on."

"Would you like me to help you out?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Which way did you come in?" KF asked with a smirk.

Robin turned to yell, but KF had already taken off backstage. Robin then went off stage while grumbling to himself.

"Anyone who wants to can go out there," Rob said.

Herald went out on stage.

"Time for a trumpet solo," he said.

Herald blew out a tune on his trumpet, only to have several audience members get sucked into another dimension.

"Oops. Wrong trumpet."

He ran off stage to quickly retrieve the missing people. Now Starfire decided to go onstage. She was holding her gorka pipes.

"I thought I would first sing a Tamaranian song."

From her mouth emerged a loud screeching that only few had lived to tell about. The audience struggled to block out the noise. Beast Boy morphed into a dog and began to howl. Somebody had to get her to stop.

"Robin," Raven said, "If you don't do something right now, I'm going to get very angry."

Robin swallowed hard. He was going to have to take one for the team. He ran towards Starfire and tackled her to the ground. She looked at him with disbelief.

"What has come over you, Robin?"

"I…just wanted to say…I love you and I left a whole box full of mustard in your dressing room. You should go there _right now_. Yeah, that's the ticket."

"Really?! You are so thoughtful, Robin. I shall go immediately."

She flew behind the curtain. Robin walked up to the others. He handed KF some cash.

"Kid Flash, would you be kind enough to get a crate of mustard at the supermarket?"

"No problem. As long as she doesn't sing again."

He sped off into the city.

"I do not see it Robin!" Star called.

"They must have sent it to the tower by accident," he shouted back.

"Oh no!"

"They're already on their way here though."

"Glorious!"

Robin turned back to the others.

"Well –"

"It's here!" Star shouted.

Robin was about to say something, when Cyborg went out onstage carrying the empty case the mustard had come in. Beast Boy came out onstage from the opposite direction.

"Hey," BB asked Cy, "Where're you going?"

"I'm taking my case to court."

The audience laughed.

"Got them warmed up, Rob," Cy said.

"Great," Rob replied, "So who's next?"

"I'll go," said Aqualad.

He went out while carrying several bottles of water.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "Behold the act of juggling as never seen before."

He opened all the water bottles and with one hand he poured out one after the other. While he did so, he used his abilities to pull the water into a ball with his other hand. After all the bottles were empty, he separated the large ball of water into three smaller balls. The he proceeded to juggle.

"You've gotta admit this is impressive."

He created more balls of water to juggle. He also started to juggle faster. The water was moving so fast some of it fell to the ground. Now the stage was wet from the water. Aqualad began to walk around to show off even more. Unfortunately, he didn't notice the wet floor and slipped and fell. The water he still had now fell on him, causing him to get soaked. He then got up, gave a quick bow, and stormed off.

"That was kind of ironic," Jinx said.

"Next," Rob said.

"That would be me," Cy said.

He went onstage with a microphone. He began to sing.

_When there's trouble you know what to do_

_Call Cyborg!_

_He can shoot a rocket from his shoe_

_Cause he's Cyborg!_

_Doo da doo doo something like that_

_Na na na na big fluffy cat_

_That's right_

"Go, Cyborg! Go, Cyborg! Go, Cy!"

He struck a pose as he finished. He was met with silence. He sighed to himself.

"Okay. Yo, Rob, pull!"

Robin threw one of his bombs high into the air. Cy shot it to cause a great explosion. The audience was now cheering.

"No accounting for taste," Cy muttered as he left the stage.

Next up was Speedy.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I will now show off my proficient archery skills by hitting all three marked targets at the top of the balcony."

Heads turned to get a better view of the targets. Speedy pulled out his bow. He set an arrow and paused for effect. Then he let it fly. It was a perfect bull's-eye. The crowd cheered. Speedy did a little bow. He set another arrow on his bow. He drew back the string, and then let it fly. It was another bull's-eye, which earned another cheer from the crowd. As Speedy drew back a third arrow, some girls in the front row waved at him. He smiled and nodded at them. He was about to continue, when Wonder Girl came storming out onto the stage.

"Speedy! Were you flirting with those other girls?!"

"Of course not, baby."

"Don't you 'baby' me. I saw what you did. We need to talk."

She grabbed his arm.

"But, honey, I still have an arrow on here."

He accidentally let go. The arrow flew off course and sent people running from the balcony. There was an explosion.

"Oops," was all Speedy said.

"Look what you did," WG said to him.

"ME?!"

The pair walked off the stage while arguing.

"Please let something go right," Robin said to himself.

Cyborg walked past him carrying the empty case and a ladder. BB once more came out the other side to meet him.

"Hey," BB said, "Now where're you going?"

"I'm taking my case to a higher court."

The audience laughed again. The two went offstage, but then Beast Boy went back out by himself. He decided to pull out all his material.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Let's get things started. Why did the cookie go see the doctor?"

He paused. The audience stared back with bored faces.

"Okay, maybe not. Why did the aardvark cross the road?"

Same reaction.

"What do get when you cross a magician with a camera?"

Nothing.

"What do you get when you put a brain in a cryogenic machine?"

Still nothing.

"I've got one. There was this sailor who was _so_ fat –"

"HOW FAT WAS HE?!" shouted a large, angry sailor in the crowd.

"Uh, he was so fat that everybody liked him and there was nothing funny about him at all," BB answered nervously.

The crowd booed him.

"How about the tuborkel? Get it? Tuba and snorkel."

More booing ensued.

"Alright, that's it. I was saving this for last, but it's time to bring out the big guns."

Beast Boy began to morph into many different animals. He started small: a hummingbird, a rat, a rabbit, a cat, a dog, a rooster, a cobra, a monkey, a pig, a ram, and an eagle. Then he moved on to the bigger animals like a bison, a giraffe, a hippo, a rhino, a lion, a tiger, a grizzly bear, a sea lion, a horse, a Velociraptor, an ostrich, a llama, a kangaroo, a Triceratops, and a Tyrannosaurus Rex. He stopped to catch his breath before morphing into a Brachiosaurus. He looked out over the applauding crowd and let out a bellow. Suddenly, he heard a crack. Then the stage collapsed. Back to normal, he crawled out of the wreckage.

"Ta-da!"

Then he ran backstage.

"Don't worry, Rob," Cy assured him, "We can rebuild the stage in a few minutes."

"It still wasn't very smart of him to morph something that big and heavy," Robin replied.

"At least the crowd loved it."

"I guess."

**A little later**

"All finished, Rob," Cy said.

"Finally. Ladies and gentlemen, the show will now continue. Presenting the veterinarian sketch. Thank you."

A green bull was lying on his side as three vets looked it over. The vets were Cyborg, Jinx, and Bumblebee.

"Where was the patient found?" Jinx asked.

"He was found with a bunch of cows," Cy answered.

"You mean herd."

"Herd what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Sure, I've heard of cows."

The trio laughed at the corny joke as much as the audience.

"No," Jinx said "I mean the cows herd."

"I don't care what the cows heard," Cy replied, "I didn't say anything to be ashamed of."

They laughed again.

"Are we going to operate?" asked Bumblebee.

"No," Cy replied, "We've milked this long enough"

More laughter ensued. Beast Boy morphed back human.

"Hey," BB said, "I have a _steak_ in this too, you know."

All laughed.

"Well that's all for now, folks," Bee said, "But before we go, Jinx wants to say something."

"We've had a moo-ving experience."

The audience applauded as the group bowed and walked off. Cy came back on holding a coat hanger. He was pretending to cry. BB walked up to him.

"Hey," BB asked, "What happened in court?"

Cy replied, "I lost the suit."

The pair couldn't keep a straight face and laughed with the audience.

"It's finally over," Rae said.

"Not quite," Rob said, "We've still got more time we need to fill."

"Oh, joy."

"You _should_ be excited, Raven, because you're the star of the next act."

"What?"

BB dragged her off to a dressing room. Robin went onstage.

"For our final act, ladies and gentlemen, we've decided to perform Alice in Wonderland. Starring our own Raven as Alice, and of course everyone else has their own part. Let the show begin."

He felt a tap on the shoulder. It was Speedy.

"Why am _I_ the white rabbit?"

"You should be happy since your role is prominent."

"I feel stupid wearing these fake ears."

"Tough. Now get back there."

Speedy grumbled as he went behind the curtain. Robin went off as the curtain opened. Raven was wearing a dress that looked like the one from the book, but the same color as her usual outfit.

"When I find out who picked me for this –"

Speedy ran onstage.

"Make way, I'm late! I'm looking for a hole."

"A whole what?" Rae quipped.

"I hate smart Alices," Speedy retorted as he kept looking.

"There it is. Now let's get this play moving."

He jumped into the hole. Raven didn't move.

"Raven," Rob hissed, "Go after him."

"Not interested."

"You can pick the next movie we see."

She said nothing.

"We won't annoy you for at least a week."

She still remained silent.

"Beast Boy can be your slave for a month."

"Hey!" BB cried from offstage.

"He already is," Rae replied.

"HEY!" BB cried again.

"I'll buy you as much black licorice as you want," Robin said.

Raven turned to look at him. She seemed to be thinking it over.

"Deal."

"That's fine. Now if you would please go with the story…"

She sighed as she stood up and jumped down the hole. She was soon slowly falling to the bottom of the hole.

"Curiouser and curiouser. That's not a real word, you know."

Random objects flew past as she descended.

"How long is this going to take? I must say these are pretty good special effects."

She gracefully landed at the bottom. She did a mock curtsy for the audience. She turned and noticed that Speedy had already gotten through the small door.

"Hey, no fair. How do I get through?"

"It's easy. Just have some dessert," Speedy called back.

Raven noticed some cake on a table. She rolled her eyes as she took a bite.

"What do you know? It is easy. It's a piece of cake. Now I sound like Beast Boy."

Raven shrunk to a foot tall and went through the tiny doorway.

"Don't ask how they made it so my outfit shrinks with me."

The curtains closed for the scene change.

"Isn't she a great little actress, Cy?" Speedy asked.

"Yeah, and getting smaller," he replied with a laugh.

"I may be small," Rae said, "But I can still do this."

Speedy and Cy were surrounded by black energy and lifted into the air. Rae caused them to smash into each other, and then fall to the ground.

"We're sorry," they apologized.

"Whatever. Let's get going so I can get my height back."

"Okay, team," Rob said, "Let's get ready for the next scene."

"Two trifling things, Rob," Kid Flash said.

"Such as?"

"I'm ready," Aqualad announced as he came in.

He was dressed as the tin woodsman from The Wizard of Oz.

"Forgive him," KF said, "He hasn't read any of these stories."

"Aqualad," Rob said, "There's no tin woodsman in Alice in Wonderland."

"I thought we were doing Peter Pan," Aqualad replied.

Robin fought back the temptation to scream.

"Just go get changed."

"I'll try."

"Now," Rob asked KF, "Where's Jinx?"

"That's the other trifling thing."

"Someone say my name?"

Jinx was dressed like Alice, only with a purple dress.

"Why are you dressed like Alice?" Rob asked.

"I heard she fell."

"She's fine."

"Pity. I memorized her lines."

"Well, memorize the Queen of Hearts' lines because that's your part."

Jinx perked up.

"Of course, only we could pull that role off," she said with a smirk.

She went back to her dressing room.

"I'll get back to my room," KF said.

"Excuse me, Robin," said a voice.

Robin turned to see Thunder dressed as the caterpillar.

"I don't like this costume. It's very tight"

"Well it's either that or you're fired. You don't want to disappoint the audience do you?"

Thunder sighed as he turned to the stage.

"The show must go on."

"Why did we do Alice in Wonderland?" Robin questioned himself, "Why not something simple like War and Peace?"

Kid Flash was onstage in front of the curtain.

"Robin's pulling himself to pieces, so I said I'll introduce the next scene. Ladies and gentlemen, the caterpillar scene!"

Thunder was sitting atop a mushroom, humming to himself.

"I don't smoke." Thunder explained.

Raven walked onstage.

"Who are you?" Thunder asked.

"What?" Rae replied.

"Who are you, little lady?"

"No short jokes or you'll regret it."

"Sorry."

"Anyway, I'm just as tall as you're _supposed_ to be."

"Yes, but I'm a caterpillar."

"Look, the point is I have to be taller by the next scene."

"No, the point is you should try growing mushrooms."

"I don't have time to grow mushrooms."

"No, not growing mushrooms. I mean _growing_ mushrooms. The kind you eat and then you grow."

Thunder chuckled at his last remark.

"Fine, I'm game," Rae replied, "Do you know where I can find one of these growing mushrooms?"

"Right here. Help yourself. Just mind you take a piece off the bottom."

"Why the bottom?"

"Because there isn't mush room on top," Thunder said with a laugh.

"Hilarious."

Raven took a bite and started to grow.

"Back to normal," she said.

Then she kept growing.

"That's the trouble with kids today," Thunder quipped, "They grow up so fast."

"Close the curtain," Raven ordered.

Thunder went backstage. Robin stopped him.

"You looked like you were having a ball out there after all."

"Of course," Thunder replied, "My mother was a moth. I'm sure you've heard of –"

"Moth balls," they said at the same time.

"Very funny," Rob said, as Thunder left.

"Now for the next scene," Rob continued, "The mad tea party."

"Robin, I can't go on with Raven," Beast Boy said, dressed as the Mad Hatter.

"Why not?"

"She's a big star."

"What are you talking about?"

"She's become a big star. Do you know how big?"

"Okay, Beast Boy, I'll humor you. How big?"

"Oh, I'd say about twenty feet," BB replied as he pointed behind Robin.

Robin turned around and saw only Raven's legs. He looked up and couldn't help but gasp.

"Raven, what are you doing up there?"

"The weather's better up here," she sarcastically replied, "Guess I overate."

"Too many mushrooms will do that," BB chimed in, "Look at the Super Mario series."

"Shut up, Beast Boy," Rae snapped, "What do I do now, Robin?"

"Just wait in your dressing room for now. I'll get whoever caused this."

"Okay."

She walked off.

"Hey, Rae," BB called, "Wait for me."

"Kid Flash," Rob said, "Find someone else to go out. I need to find Cyborg."

"Right, boss."

Kid Flash looked around.

"Who _do_ we have?"

"Well," replied Herald, "Killowatt agreed to play Humpty Dumpty."

"I've read this story," Killowatt said, "Have all the king's horses and all the king's men on standby."

"Don't worry. Now go on out there. You'll be great. Grade A."

"Very funny."

Killowatt went onstage as KF chuckled at his own joke. Killowatt was now standing on top of a high brick wall.

"I am Humpty Dumpty."

"Boring!" Cyborg shouted from the balcony.

"You don't like it? What're you going to do about it?"

"Cyborg!" Robin cried, "Get over here."

Before he made a run for it, Cy shot his cannon at the brick wall. The blast caused the wall to fall apart, which in turn caused Killowatt to fall off.

"What a mess," Wonder Girl said, "And on his unbirthday."

"I hate off the wall comedy," Speedy said with a smile.

**Meanwhile**

"You look beautiful, Rae," BB said.

"Shut up, Beast Boy."

"Well you do."

"Right now I'm not really concerned with how I look, considering that I barely fit in this room. So, you're not helping."

Raven was indeed crammed into her dressing room. At 30 ft. tall, her knees were bent, but still touched the opposite wall. BB was sitting on her right shoulder.

"How about a kiss, Rae?"

"What?"

"We're never gonna have an opportunity like this again."

"Not if I can help it."

"Well then? Let me feel those big, soft lips of yours."

Raven just stared at him for a bit. BB had a confident smirk on his face.

"Alright then, just one kiss."

Her lips took up his entire face. BB then fell off her shoulder, bounced off her chest, and fell onto her stomach.

"What a woman!"

Raven couldn't help but smile. Just then, Robin and Cyborg came in.

"Did we interrupt something?" Cy asked with a knowing smile.

"Do you want me to hit you?" Rae threatened.

Cy's smile quickly disappeared.

"Let's focus, team," Robin interjected.

"Did you bring a doctor?" BB asked.

"What good would that do?" Rob asked.

"Maybe he's a shrink."

BB and Cy laughed. Even Raven had to chuckle at that.

"Cy," Rob continued, "You made the stuff. When does it wear off?"

"Seriously, I can't go through life this tall," Rae said.

"Why not?" Cy replied, "There's money in basketball."

Cy and BB laughed again. Cy stopped when Rae gave him a look.

"Anyway, the effects should reverse any minute."

"How convenient," Rae said.

BB jumped off as she started to shrink down to normal.

"Normal height again," Rae said.

But she kept on shrinking.

"Cyborg!"

"Oops," was all Cy could say.

"Beast Boy, I have to get back outside. You watch Raven. Cy, you're coming with me."

"Good idea," Cy replied.

The two quickly ran out of the room.

As Raven finally stopped at three inches, BB picked her up.

"I'll take care of you, Rae."

"I may be small, again, but I can still take care of myself."

Beast Boy's ears drooped. Raven levitated over to his face and gave him a tiny kiss on the nose.

"Thank you, BB. I appreciate it. Now go and help Robin. I'll be fine."

He smiled as he left her room.

**Meanwhile, again**

"This play has been a disaster," Aqualad said aloud, mostly to himself, "I can't play the tin woodsman, Raven/Alice has been shrunk, and now they're fixing up Humpty Dumpty."

"Isn't that good?" Kid Flash asked.

"With bacon and sausage?"

KF laughed.

"Stop worrying so much, Aqualad. Look at me, I'm smiling."

"You're the Cheshire Cat, so you're supposed to smile."

"Well, regardless, try and be positive. Just think of all those songs about being happy and smiling."

"He's right," Thunder piped up, "Considering I and my brother's powers, there's always one song I think of."

_T: Gray skies are bound to clear up_

_KF: Put on a happy face_

_T: Brush off the clouds and cheer up_

_KF: Put on a happy face_

"Alright, I get it!" Aqualad interrupted, "I feel much better now."

"Fair enough," KF replied, "I gotta get going to help with the next scene anyway."

Thunder gave Aqualad a nod, then left.

"I think that singing made me even more depressed," Aqualad said to himself.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen," Kid Flash announced, "One of Lewis Carroll's beloved poems: Jabberwocky."

The curtain pulled back to reveal Robin holding a sword. BB and Cyborg came out to join him. Speedy, Wonder Girl, Thunder, and Starfire were in the background. They started to recite the poem.

'_Twas brillig, and the slithy toves_

_Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;_

BB turned into a badger with a corkscrew nose

_All mimsy were the borogoves,_

BB was now a tall, shaggy-looking bird with long legs.

_And the mome raths outgrabe._

BB turned into a pig. Then he changed back and went off stage. Robin walked over to Cyborg. Cy was wearing a very flamboyant outfit and hat.

_Cy: Beware the jabberwock, my son._

_The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!_

_Beware the jubjub bird, and shun_

_The frumious Bandersnatch!_

Robin gave him a nod as Cy went stage right.

_Rob: He took his vorpal sword in hand:_

_Long time the manxome foe he sought –_

_So rested he by the Tumtum tree,_

_And stood awhile in thought_

_And as in uffish thought he stood_

_The jabberwock, with eyes of flame,_

_Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,_

_And burbled as it came!_

BB was some strange winged, dragon-like creature with a long neck.

"Burble, burble," BB said, as intimidating as he could.

Robin lifted his sword and faced the "monster."

_Rob: One, two! One, two! And through and through_

_The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!_

Robin appeared to have cut off BB's head.

_Rob: He left it dead, and with its head_

_He went galumphing back._

"Galumph, galumph," Rob and BB said in unison.

Cyborg came back to stand before Robin.

_Cy: And has thou slain the jabberwock?_

Robin nodded. Cy gave him a bear hug.

_Cy: Come to my arms, my beamish boy!_

_Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!_

_Rob: He chortled in his joy._

"Hey, Rob," Cy said, "You mind if I ask you something?"

"What?"

"What does all this actually mean?"

"No idea."

BB's head began to speak.

_BB: 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves_

_Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;_

_All mimsy were the borogoves,_

_And the mome raths outgrabe._

"This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen," Rob said.

"Dudes," BB said, "Can I put on my body and leave now?"

"Well," Cy replied, "You should quit while you're a-head."

Everyone laughed but Robin. He went backstage to look for Raven.

"Raven, are you here?"

"Hey, Robin!" Jinx called, "I have a complaint."

Jinx was wearing the Queen of Heart's dress.

"Now's not a good time."

"I only have one line. What's the deal?"

"Jinx, please watch your step."

"What?"

"Raven's only about three inches tall and I have no idea where she is. So please be careful. Besides that, without Raven the courtroom scene can't go on. So I'll have to cancel it."

Robin ran off. Jinx looked very angry, but said nothing. She did, however, jump up and down in different spots.

"Oops, I forgot," she said sarcastically, "Sorry, Raven."

Raven was up in the rafters looking at everyone.

"Why do they keep forgetting that I can still use my powers?"

Despite Robin's protests, the courtroom scene proceeded. Jinx was there as the queen, Red Star was the king, and Starfire was the duchess. Everyone else was a juror. Speedy came forward to announce something, but Robin came running out.

"What are you people doing?"

"What's it look like?" Speedy shot back.

"We can't have this scene without Alice," Rob argued.

"Hush."

"Speedy, you're the white rabbit. What are you doing here?"

"I'm the usher. Now then, presenting the presiding judge: Lightning!"

Lightning came out in a black robe and white wig.

"Thank you, you're too kind. Silence in the court!"

He whacked Speedy upside the head with his gavel. Speedy collapsed to the floor.

"That case rests."

"Your Honor, we're missing the star witness," Rob stated.

Lightning shrugged and said, "Who cares?"

"I move we hold the trial."

"Good idea," Lightning replied, "You move while we hold the trial."

Everyone, except Robin, laughed

"Now then, Robin" Lightning continued, "Have you been sworn in?"

"At: yes, in: no."

"Then place your left hand on the book, raise your right hand, and repeat after me."

Robin did so.

Lightning leaned in close and whispered, "Ow."

"Ow?" Robin repeated.

Lightning then swung his gavel and hit Robin's left hand.

"OW!"

Everyone laughed at Robin. Speedy got up from the floor and turned to Lightning.

"Your Honor," Speedy began.

"Where?! Oh right, that's me."

"Before the jury retires –"

"Before the jury retires," Lightning interrupted, "The queen shall read the sentence."

"Off with her head," Jinx said, with no enthusiasm.

Cyborg and Beast Boy stuck their heads out from behind the stage.

"I think it should be declared a mistrial," Cy said.

"What do you mean miss?" BB asked, "He hit both Speedy and Robin, that's gotta count for something."

The pair laughed. Everyone went backstage.

"Alright, that's it!" Robin shouted, "We can't go on! This play is over!"

"Hey, Rob," Kid Flash spoke up, "Raven's her normal size again."

Robin looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

"Alright, everybody get ready. The mad tea-party is up!"

"I love how flexible our leader is. Don't you?" KF joked.

A long table filled with food, utensils, plates, and such took up most of the stage. Despite there being lots of chairs, the trio of people sitting down was huddled at one end. Beast Boy and Geo-Force were onstage as the Mad Hatter and March Hare respectively. Rose (Ravager), who was almost as serious as Raven most of the time, was surprisingly onstage as well. She was leaning back in a chair between BB and GF, taking a nap. She was dressed as the dormouse. BB and Geo-Force were singing aloud.

_Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!_

_How I wonder what you're at!_

_Up above the world you fly,_

_Like a tea-tray in the sky._

"I finished the song first!" BB crowed.

"Did not!" GF argued.

Raven came onstage now.

"No room! No room!" BB and GF cried.

"There's plenty of room," Rae replied as she sat down in an arm-chair.

"Have some wine," Geo-Force encouraged Raven.

"I don't see any wine," Rae replied.

"There isn't any."

"Then it wasn't nice to offer it."

"It wasn't nice of you to sit down without being invited."

"He's got you there, Rae – I mean, Alice," BB said.

"Regardless, the table's set up for a lot of people."

"Let's change the subject," BB said, "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"Don't you mean why is "Raven" like a writing desk?" GF joked.

BB and GF laughed.

"That's easy," BB said, "People try to avoid both."

"What?" Rae said, giving him a look.

"Oops, I meant to say – look at my watch."

"I'll let that go for now," Rae said.

"What day of the month is it?" BB asked, looking at his watch.

"The fourth," Rae answered.

"Ah ha! Two days wrong!" BB sighed, "I told you not to use butter."

"It was the _best_ butter," GF replied.

"You got crumbs in it. You shouldn't have used a bread knife."

"Well I couldn't use a fork, could I?"

BB dunked the watch into a cup of tea.

"I know what'll cheer you up," Geo-Force said.

GF then nudged Rose to wake her up.

"Rose, rise and shine."

Rose yawned and looked around.

"Who are you supposed to be?" Rae asked

"I'm the Dormouse," Rose replied.

"You don't look much like a mouse."

"Well," GF chimed in, "She doesn't look like a door either."

"Rose – I mean, Dormouse," BB said, "Tell us a story. And do it quickly, otherwise you'll fall asleep before you're finished."

"Once upon a time," Rose began, "There were three sisters named Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; they lived at the bottom of a well –"

"What did they live on?" Rae questioned.

Rose thought for a second, and then said, "Treacle."

"What?"

"That's British for molasses. You know – syrup."

"I know that. What I meant to say was that would've made them sick."

"It did, _very_ sick."

"Have some more tea, Alice," GF said.

"I haven't had any yet," Rae replied, "So I can't take more."

"You mean you can't take less," BB said, "It's easy to take more than nothing."

Rae rolled her eyes. Then she looked at Rose again.

"So why did they live at the bottom of a well?"

"It was a treacle-well," Rose answered.

"There's no such thing!"

BB and GF gasped.

"Disgraceful!" GF cried.

"Outrageous!" BB shouted.

"If you can't be civil," Rose said, "You can finish the story yourself."

Rae sighed, "I'm sorry. I won't interrupt again. I'm sure there's at least one treacle-well."

"Now where was I? Oh, these three sisters were learning to draw."

"Draw what?" Rae asked.

"Treacle!"

"Hole in one!" GF said.

"I want a clean cup. Everyone, move one place!"

"But the only one with a clean cup is Geo-Force," Rae pointed out.

"Continue the story," BB said, ignoring Raven's comment.

"Wait a minute," Rae interrupted, "Where did they draw treacle?"

"You can draw water from a water-well can't you?" BB replied.

"But they were in the well."

"Yes they were," Rose said, "Well in."

Rae had no remark for that. BB and GF snickered.

"They were learning to draw all things that started with M –"

"Why with an M?" Rae asked.

"Why not?"

Rae was trying not to scream.

Rae began to speak, "I don't think –"

"Then you shouldn't talk," BB shot back.

Rae looked about ready to hit him, when two more people came onstage. It was Mas and Menos.

"No room!" BB and GF shouted.

"Who are you?" Rae asked.

We are Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum," the twins said.

Apparently, Cyborg used a translator so everyone could understand them.

"Everything looks –" Mas said.

"– so delicious," Menos finished.

Robin came onstage.

"No room!" BB and GF shouted again.

"That's enough!" Robin shouted back, "This is ridiculous."

"You didn't have to sit through it," Rae shot back.

"Let's find some way to wrap this up."

"Let's sing a song."

"There'll be no singing while I'm around here."

Just then, Aqualad came onstage still dressed as the Tin Woodsman. Starfire, Red Star, Jinx, Kid Flash, Thunder, Lightning, and Speedy followed suite.

"No, don't sing!" Rob pleaded.

_AL: We're off to see the Wizard_

_The wonderful Wizard of Oz_

_All: We hear he is a whiz of a wiz_

_If ever a wiz there was_

_If ever oh ever a wiz there was_

_The Wizard of Oz is one because_

_Because, because, because, because, because_

_Because of the wonderful things he does_

_We're off to see the Wizard_

_BB: The wonderful Wizard_

_GF: The wonderful Wizard_

_Rose: The wonderful Wizard_

_M&M: The wonderful Wizard_

_AL: The wonderful Wizard_

_Rae: The wonderful Wizard?_

_All: The wonderful Wizard of Oz_

The entire audience stood up and applauded.

"That made absolutely no sense," Rob said, "But they loved it."

"A big hand for our very own Alice: Raven," Cyborg announced.

Raven gave a fake curtsy. BB pulled some roses out of nowhere to give her.

"You were great, Rae," BB said.

"I had a great supporting cast."

"We have risen more than enough money," Star informed the team.

BB then turned to the audience. The curtain was closing.

"Good night, Jump City!"


	9. Titans of Warcraft

Notes: Thanks to my cousin for helping me with this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or anything else in this story

That's Not Normal

Ch. 9: Titans of Warcraft

* * *

"Beast Boy," Raven said as she shook him, "Are you still asleep?"

BB mumbled incoherently.

"You stayed up all night playing WoW again, didn't you?"

"You were on there too," he replied.

"Not until 5 in the morning I wasn't."

BB again muttered under his breath.

"Whatever. It's noon, so get up."

"Yes, dear."

Raven left his room, shaking her head.

**Later**

BB finally got up and had lunch. Now the team was watching T.V. Some of the other Titans had stopped by for a visit as well. Kid Flash and Jinx came from Star City, Aqualad from Steel City, and Speedy and Wonder Girl from wherever they had been. Just then, the channel turned to static.

"Dude, what happened?" BB asked.

"It's on every channel," Rob observed.

"Well, it ain't the television's fault, because that's the best the store had," Cy said.

"Greetings, Titans!"

"How's it going, pit-sniffers?"

"I know those voices," Cy said.

"Unfortunately," Rae replied, "We all do."

The picture came back. It was Control Freak and Gizmo.

"Your number one nemesis, Control Freak, is back!"

"And there's nothing you cludge-heads can do about it."

"Great," Speedy said, "The two dorks have teamed up."

"Look who's talking, loser," Gizmo shot back.

"If you Titans remember our episode inside TV land, then you'll recall my brilliant machine that did the job. Now, since me and Gizmo here have joined forces, we shall instead take over the internet!"

"Those madmen!" Star exclaimed.

"Like they could really do that," Aqualad said.

"Oh, but we can," CF replied, "All we have to do is start with an area where there'll be a lot of people on-line at the same time. It won't be long after that."

"We'll just do some hacking from the inside," Gizmo explained, "Then we can control everyone's PC. Soon enough we'll have access to their private information."

"Which equals money," CF finished.

"Found them," Raven said.

"What?" everyone said, even Control Freak and Gizmo.

"While you were giving your monologue, I astral projected myself and started looking for your hideout. Some old, abandoned warehouse by the docks."

"That's cliché," Wonder Girl said.

"I'll go ahead and check every one," KF said.

"Doesn't matter," CF said, "Because the machine's ready. By the time you get here we'll already be on-line."

"See you suckers later," Gizmo taunted.

The screen went black. Robin sprung into action.

"Raven, show us where this place is. Kid Flash, run ahead with Jinx. Titans, go!"

**A few minutes later**

"This is it," Raven said.

"Where've you guys been?" asked KF.

"Very funny," Cy said.

"Mind if we join you?" a voice asked.

Everyone looked up to see Rose and Jericho sitting atop the roof.

"Rose and Jericho," Rob in said, "What brings you here?"

"Robin, please," Rose replied, "I'm on the job. My name's Ravager."

"Right, sorry."

"Anyway, my brother and I saw Raven's astral projection fly overhead while we were out patrolling the city. We decided to head were it was going."

"Glad to have you, friends," Star said.

"We'll need the help against these two dorks," Rae said.

"How bad could they be?" Aqualad asked.

"They may be weak, but they're smart," Cy replied.

"So, Kid Flash, what have you been doing since you got here before us?" Speedy questioned.

"Trying to figure out this machine," KF replied.

The team went inside and saw the strange machine sitting next to a computer.

"What is this curious machine?" Star asked.

"It's a computer," Speedy said.

"The other machine, stupid," Wonder Girl pointed out.

"That's what I'm gonna find out," Cy replied.

"From what you told us about the last time," Aqualad said, "This shouldn't be so bad as long as Beast Boy doesn't push a random button."

"Oops," BB said.

The machine started up.

"And they call _me_ Jinx," Jinx said, rolling her eyes.

There was a flash of light and the Titans were sucked into the computer

**???**

Kid Flash opened his eyes to see a desolate, barren area. It smelled of death. There was someone next to him. It was a worgen (werewolf) player.

"_You've got to be kidding,"_ KF thought to himself.

"Greetings, fellow death knights," said a familiar voice.

Two dark figures strode up to KF. He couldn't believe who they were. One was human, but the other was an orc. Both wore dark armor.

"We don't need some loser player interfering with our plans," the human said.

"Agreed," replied the orc, "Since one's an orc, let's send him back to where all orc players start from. Later, noob!"

"That goes for you too, worgen. Back to the beginning."

The two death knights chanted a spell, and then KF and the other player were cast into another bright flash of light.

**On an island to the west**

Raven opened her eyes.

"When I get my hands on Beast Boy, I'll…"

She trailed off as she looked around at the scenery.

"Where am I?" she asked aloud.

She looked around at the landscape, which was dotted with purple crystals.

"Don't tell me."

She walked over to the edge of a body of water. She looked at herself. She still had purple hair and gray skin, but she also had a short tail, sleek horns, hoofs for feet, and glowing eyes.

"I'm a draenei. Specifically, I'm a shaman. That means this is…"

She sighed.

"When I find Beast Boy, I'm going to kill him."

**On the mainland continent**

Elsewhere, Speedy came to as well.

"Finally awake?" someone asked.

"Who's that?" Speedy questioned as he looked around.

All he saw was a large desert/canyon area. There was also a large creature standing over him. It had green skin, glowing eyes, and was wearing armor.

"Who are you?"

"It's me, Kid Flash."

"Yeah, right."

"If you don't believe me, try looking in a mirror. You usually have one."

Speedy felt around, but couldn't find his mirror.

"I can't find it."

"Then how about this display?"

Speedy still gave the monster a suspicious look, but thought it stranger that he pulled a screen from out of nowhere. He looked at said screen. He wasn't happy. He still had red hair, but he also had blue skin and tusks.

"Who is that?!"

"That's you, duh."

"I'm ugly!"

"You're a troll. Didn't you notice the accent?"

"Not really. So I guess that makes you an orc."

"Right."

"Wait, what am I saying?! How can we look like this? Where are we?"

"In the World of Warcraft apparently."

"So that's what those nerds meant by a place with a lot of people on at once."

"Looks that way. Well, guess we're lucky."

"You call this lucky?"

"Yeah, I do. Now we can fight back. We just need to find the others. Since we're in Durotar, they're bound to come this way."

"What class are you?"

"Death Knight."

"You've been working hard then. I'm a hunter."

"Always good for a troll. You're at a high level I see."

"Of course."

"Well then, if you have a mount, we should try looking around for the others on this continent."

"Guess it's better than sitting around."

Speedy was now sitting atop a raptor. KF atop a wolf.

"Don't you have that other mount since you're a death knight?"

"Yeah, but call me traditional. Plus the other mount just looks creepy."

"Fair enough. Where're we heading?"

"Mulgore. Whoever picked to play as a tauren will be there and they'll head this way to the other zeppelins. We'll probably run into them at The Crossroads."

Off they went.

"Hey, wait a second. If you're a death knight, shouldn't you be in the Eastern Plaguelands? Or even in Northrend?"

"I was, until I was sent back here by dumb and dumber."

"They're both death knights? Great."

**To the west**

Meanwhile, in the very region the pair was headed to, another Titan woke up and looked around.

"Dude, when will I learn? Where am I?"

BB got up and walked around. Looking at the rolling hills, he knew he wasn't in the real world anymore.

"Dude, I'm in WoW! That means…I'm a tauren."

He went to the nearest body of water. Sure enough he was a tall, bull-like tauren.

"Sweet! I'm a tauren druid. Wait, so where's everyone else?"

He took another look around.

"I guess no one else picked to start as a tauren. Looks like I'll have to find them myself."

He was now atop his kodo mount. The kodo looked like a very large, grey lizard with a horn on its snout.

"Where should I look? Well, since I'd rather not get attacked by the Alliance, I guess Orgrimmar is the best place. I'll meet whoever picked to be an orc or troll and I'll be near the zeppelins. I could take the zeppelin in Thunder Bluff to Orgrimmar, but I might miss someone. If they're coming on their mounts or whatever, then we'll probably meet at The Crossroads."

He then took off.

**To the east of the continent**

A Titan awoke to survey their surroundings. It was a tropical island. The Titan in question was Ravager.

"Oh great," she said, "I know where I am. So now I'm a freaking goblin rogue. Well, the best place to go would be Orgimmar to see if anyone else is taking a zeppelin."

She mounted her zhevra (which looks like a zebra with a unicorn horn) and took off.

**Up north on a separate island**

Far to the north of the same continent, yet another Titan came to.

"What has happened? What has become of my friends?"

It was Starfire, and she was very confused.

"This all seems very familiar."

She walked past a pond.

"Oh my, I am a night elf. I knew this was familiar. I am in the WoW."

She was indeed a night elf priest, with dark blue hair and violet skin.

"This is very interesting, but I must find the others."

Star made her way from Shadowglen to the other side of the island, fighting off spiders, harpies, and furbolgs, until she arrived at Darnassus. She took the portal to Rut'theran Village and then got on the boat to an encampment in northern Darkshore.

"Now that I have reached the mainland, I am sure to find at least one of my friends."

"Good thinking, Star," a voice replied.

She turned to see a female draenei looking at her.

"That voice is familiar, minus the accent. Is that really you, Raven?"

"Yes."

She gave her teammate a hug.

"I have found one of you at last. You make a lovely draenei."

"Whatever. Let's find the others."

"But, Raven, there are no other Alliance races on Kalimdor."

"Then we'll just have to go over to the Eastern Kingdoms, won't we?"

"Oh yes, I had nearly forgot. We can take another boat to get there."

"Exactly."

They turned back to the docks and boarded the boat. Soon they were on their way across the sea to the Eastern Kingdoms.

**Eastern Kingdoms**

"What happened?" Robin asked no one in particular.

He had just gotten up.

"I'm in a forest? How could I…?"

He ran over to a river and looked at himself. He was still human, but he wore armor.

"A sword and shield? Plate armor? A helmet that covers half my face? I don't believe this. I'm in World of Warcraft. I should've guessed it right off the bat. Oh well, better get going."

He got atop his horse mount.

"I guess the best place to go would be Stormwind City. It's practically a central hub. So if anyone started as any of the other Alliance races, I'll be sure to run into them there."

Off he went.

**Farther north**

"Dang, that was crazy," Cy said.

"You don't know the half of it," said a voice.

"Who said that?"

Cy leapt up and looked around.

"Down here, Cyborg."

Cy looked down to see a gnome staring at him.

"From the voice, I'm guessing that you're Aqualad."

"Yeah, it's me. I know what you're thinking, and no short jokes. You're not exactly that tall yourself, dwarf."

"What?"

Cy ran over to a frozen pond. He was indeed a dwarf paladin. He even had a beard.

"I did not see this coming. So why a gnome?"

"I wanted to show the others that I could play just as good as them with the smallest Alliance member. Everyone else joined the Horde. I'm a mage by the way."

"Yeah, that's great. Now let's think of a plan."

"Well, we need to find the others. So let's head to a capital city."

"For us, that'd be Ironforge. From there we should take the deeprun tram to Stormwind City. If anyone else is in the Alliance, we'll meet them there."

"You're voice sounds weird with that accent," Aqualad commented.

Cy was now atop him ram mount and Aqualad on his mechanostrider. The pair made their way through Coldridge Pass, slaying any trogg that tried to stop them. They went through the town of Kharanos, until at last they found themselves at the large Gates of Ironforge. Once in the great city of Ironforge, they went straight to the gnome section called Tinker Town. From there it was a brief walk to the deeprun tram. They boarded and were on their way to Stormwind City.

**Even farther north**

Jinx awoke in a dark place.

"Where am I?"

She looked around. All she saw was a flight of stairs. At the top, she saw that she was in a dark, gloomy forest.

"Is this really what I think it is?"

It wasn't until she ran to the nearest town, Deathknell, that she noticed there were buttons in the corners of the world.

"Ok, that's not normal."

She pressed one and it displayed her appearance.

"I was right. I'm Forsaken, and this is WoW. Great, I'm an undead warlock."

She then got atop her skeleton horse mount.

"Well, since this doesn't make any sense, might as well go along with it. The best place to go would obviously be the Undercity. If anyone started as a blood elf, I'll be sure to meet them there."

She went off through the Tirisfal Glades, mostly ignoring the enemies since they were all low level. She passed through the town of Brill, and came at last to the Ruins of Lordaeron. She decided to give the Undercity a quick look around in case any other Horde members might be there.

**Even farther north than that**

Wonder Girl had awoken and was looking at her reflection in the water.

"I'm a blood elf. A warrior no less. I wasn't expecting this, that's for sure. Well, no time to just sit around. I've got to find the others."

She got atop her hawkstrider mount and set off for Silvermoon City. Once there, she headed for Sunfury Spire to reach the Orb of Translocation.

"Since there's no one else here," WG said to herself, "I should head to another Horde capital to look. I'll immediately be at the Undercity and from there I can take a zeppelin to Orgrimmar."

She then used the orb and she was in the Ruins of Lordaeron. As she started off, she passed by an undead woman.

"Hey," the undead woman said, "You look familiar, blood elf."

"For some reason," WG replied, "So do you."

"That hair, that voice. You're Wonder Girl, aren't you?"

"I know your voice too. Jinx, I'm sure it's you."

"Good job, elf girl."

"So what should we do?"

"Something tells me you already thought of a plan."

"We should take the zeppelin to Orgrimmar and meet up with the other Titans who picked Horde members."

"Good plan. Let's go."

The two Titans boarded the zeppelin and were soon in Durotar.

**Towards the south**

The last Titan, Jericho, was awake already. He was surprised to see that he was a worgen death knight. He was making his way from Gilneas, through Silverpine Forest, fighting off evil worgen and large wolves, then finally on to the Hillsbrad Foothills. Once he got to Southshore, he took the flight path to Ironforge, then from there to Stormwind. Once he arrived, he made his way to the Trade District.

**Meanwhile**

Kid Flash and Speedy fought past raptors, scorpids, and tallstriders. Soon they came to The Crossroads.

"Hey, Kid Flash," Speedy said, "If there are any other Titans around here, how will we know who they are?"

"Dudes, is anyone here?!" a familiar voice shouted

"It shouldn't be too difficult," KF replied with a smirk.

They made their way to where the person was shouting. It was a lone tauren.

"Beast Boy," KF said, "For once you're taller than everyone else."

"Kid Flash, only you could joke like that. This troll must be Speedy."

"How'd you guess?" Speedy questioned.

"You're a hunter. Only hunters can efficiently use long range weapons as a primary way of attacking. Since you use a bow in real life, I figured you'd pick that class."

"Come on, guys," KF said, "Let's take the flight path back to Orgrimmar."

"Who's missing?" BB asked.

"Jinx is an undead Forsaken," KF said.

"Wonder Girl is a blood elf," Speedy added.

"What about Ravager and Jericho?" BB asked.

"I don't know," KF answered, "We'll just have to find out."

"Those two aside," BB said, "No one else picked the Horde."

"You're sure?" KF asked.

"Robin picked one of the more popular races, human. Star wanted to be on the same side, so she picked night elf. Cy picked dwarf. Raven, if I remember, is a draenei."

"Aqualad picked gnome," Speedy said, "He wanted to show us he could do just as well with the smallest Alliance member against us picking Horde members."

"Well, let's get going," KF said.

The trio went to the Flight Master and paid to fly on wyverns to Orgrimmar.

**Back in the Eastern Kingdoms**

Starfire and Raven were atop their mounts, a saber cat and an elekk, looking for the other Titan members. They made their way form the Stormwind Harbor to the Trade District.

"How will we know the others when we see them?" Rae asked.

"I shall know Robin when I see him," Star replied.

At that same moment, Cyborg and Aqualad were making their way from the Dwarven District to the Trade District. Robin had already arrived and was riding his horse around the city looking for the others. Justas the other four Titans arrived in the Trade District, Star saw a human atop his horse.

"Robin!" she called.

"Starfire!" he called back.

She was so excited; she jumped off her mount and ran to him. He did the same. The pair hugged when they finally reached each other. Raven slowly made her way towards them.

"Only Robin and Starfire could be making such a scene," Cy said.

"So you're a dwarf," Rae stated, "Who's the gnome?"

"It's me," Aqualad said.

"Hey, Aqualad."

"Don't forget me," said a gruff voice.

They turned to see a worgen in plate armor.

"Who are you?" Robin questioned.

"It's me, Jericho. Sorry, neither you nor I is used to me speaking."

"Glad to have you anyway," Cy replied.

"But where are the others?" Star wondered.

"Isn't it obvious?" Rae replied, "They're in the Horde."

"So they must all be on Kalimdor," Rob said.

"Well we can't go there and they can't come here," Cy added.

"There must be somewhere we can all meet without drawing too much attention," Aqualad said.

Everyone tried to think, but Raven spoke up right away.

"Northrend."

Everyone looked at her.

"It's accessible by both boat and zeppelin, and there's no danger of having to fight other Alliance or Horde members."

"Then we should head back to the harbor and get there as soon as possible," Rob said.

**Kalimdor**

BB, KF, and Speedy arrived at Orgrimmar.

"I'll know Jinx when I see her," KF assured the others.

Sure enough, he soon spotted the undead female walking next to a blood elf.

"You look great as always," KF said with a wink.

"We finally found you," WG said.

"Don't forget me," said a high pitched voice.

Everyone looked around.

"Down here."

They looked down to see a female goblin.

"It's me, Ravager. Jericho and I picked the two newer races to play as."

"Glad you could make it," KF said.

"Yeah, but what about the others?" Speedy asked.

"I've got a feeling they'll go somewhere neutral," BB said.

"Like where?" asked Jinx

"Northrend. No worries about other Alliance and/or Horde members. Well, not much."

"Then let's hop on the zeppelin," KF said.

**A little later**

The Titans of the Alliance arrived in Valiance Keep about the same time the Titans of the Horde arrived in Warsong Hold. Both bases were in the Borean Tundra. The two teams made their way across the icy landscape until at last the whole team was reunited.

"Hey there, Rob." Speedy said.

BB strutted up to Raven and said, "Hey there, baby."

"It's me, Beast Boy."

"I know," he replied with a wink.

"We are together again!" Star cheered.

"What good does that do if those two idiots are still in here somewhere?" Jinx pointed out.

"She's right," Rob said, "We need to find out where they are."

"That's easy," KF said, "Icecrown."

"You sure they're not in Archerus: The Ebon Hold?" Cy asked.

"They'll have gone to the most dangerous, high level place in the game."

"Do you think they'll try to head for Outland later?" BB asked.

"There's no telling with those nerds."

"Let's not waste any time," Rob said, "We'll use our flying mounts."

Robin had a gryphon. Starfire, a hippogryph. Cyborg, a proto-dragon. Aqualad, a flying machine. Raven, a drake. Jericho, a nether drake. Kid Flash had a wyvern. Jinx, a flying carpet. Speedy rode a nether ray. Wonder Girl, a dragonhawk. Ravager, a phoenix. Beast Boy just stood there.

"What are you waiting for?" Rae asked, "Don't you have a flying mount?"

"Yeah, but you guys go ahead. I have to get ready."

The other eleven Titans took off. They were making good time when suddenly they heard BB shout from behind them.

"DUDES!"

BB came up from behind them incredibly fast. He was riding atop an X-51 nether rocket X-TREME. He waved at the others as he caught up, and nearly passed them.

**Not long after**

The twelve Titans soon arrived in Icecrown. They made their way to the Frozen Throne.

"Dudes, this place is really creepy."

"The ground is solid ice," Star noticed.

"Who knows what we'll run into," Aqualad said.

"The Scourge, obviously," Cy replied.

"Maybe even the Lich King," Rob added.

"That's where you're wrong!" someone shouted.

The team looked around to see where it came from. Then, from high above on a glacier, there stood two death knights. One, an orc, was atop an undead horse called a deathcharger. The other, a human, was atop a skeletal gryphon called a Winged Steed of the Ebon Blade.

"Well here's something you don't see every day," the orc death knight said, "The Alliance and the Horde working together."

"It's happened before you know," BB shot back, "Like against the Burning Legion."

"So it is those pit-sniffing Titans," the human death knight said.

"So we've finally found the two leaders of the basement dweller club," KF joked.

"Laugh while you can, Titans," the human death knight, who was obviously Gizmo, shot back, "Because we're taking over this world."

"Azeroth and Outland will be in our grasp," added the orc death knight, who was obviously Control Freak.

"Not likely," BB said, "You don't have the authority."

"All we need is the knowhow," Control Freak replied, "Then we'll have the power."

"And now we've got both," Gizmo said, with a creepy smile.

Gizmo held up his sword, while Control Freak did the same with his axe. Suddenly, a strong wind started to blow.

"We've created our own program," CF explained, "One where we're in control!"

A huge vortex appeared and sucked in the two villains and the twelve Titans.

**???**

The Titans were in a vast white landscape. It was empty and blank.

"Where is everything if they've created a program?" Cy asked.

Just then, the entire landscape seemed to fill with terrain. It was still rather plain. The most prominent change was the enormous fortress that now loomed in the distance. It seemed to be even larger than the one in Icecrown.

"Talk about compensation," KF joked.

"Let's just go get them," Jinx said.

The team made its way towards the castle. When they got right in front of the gates, Robin stopped them.

"Alright, team, before we go any further, we need to think of a plan."

"Good idea," Ravager said, "We can't just rush in there unprepared."

"They're bound to have guards," Speedy added.

"If they're in control like they say," Aqualad spoke up, "Then we should be prepared for anything. Be it dragons, the undead, or even demons."

BB was looking at the castle, almost like he was searching for where Gizmo and Control Freak were hiding.

"Beast Boy," Raven said, "Pay attention. This is important."

BB turned to face the others, and then sat down.

"Now we should try to stay together," Rob said, "Otherwise we could be outnumbered."

"I shall heal us if needed," Star said.

"I can take them out from a safe distance," Speedy added, "While my pet goes in for the kill. We've both trained well."

"I can go up close and personal," Ravager piped up, "So can Jericho."

"That goes for me too," KF said, "Along with some undead minions."

"I'll summon a demon of my own," Jinx said.

"My totems can help," Rae said, "Beast Boy can shape shift to fit any situation."

"I've got magic and physical strength," Cy threw in.

"I'll hit them hard and fast," Wonder Girl said.

"Same here," Rob continued, "Now the first thing we want to do is…"

Robin began planning some more. BB, on the other hand, finally stood back up and faced the fortress. He took his two-handed mace in hand. He began to move towards the castle.

"Alright, chums," BB shouted, "Let's do this! GARFIELD LOGAN!"

BB was still shouting his battle cry as he ran through the gates and into the fortress. The others could only watch.

"Oh my God," Raven said, "He just ran in."

Robin snapped everyone out of it, "Titans, go!"

Everyone drew their weapons as they ran after Beast Boy. They entered to see BB was already engaged in combat with a group of ghouls. Zombies and skeletons were following after that.

Robin charged at one of the ghouls and attacked it with his two-handed sword and shield. Starfire casted holy and shadow spells while attacking with her dagger at the same time. Cyborg used his mace and holy magic. Speedy used his bow to take out several enemies. His pet devilsaur (a 30ft. _T. Rex_ look alike dinosaur) took out quite a few as well. If any enemies got too close, Speedy would pull out his polearm to attack. Aqualad used a staff and his wand as well as fire and ice spells. Jinx summoned a felguard minion (a tall, muscular, armored demon with an enormous axe) to fight while she sent out powerful fire spells. Kid Flash ran around dual-wielding a pair of axes. Wonder Girl had a two-handed axe and shield, but also used her gun. Ravager dual-wielded a fist weapon and dagger, but used her crossbow when she could. Jericho charged at the enemies unarmed. Raven used her axe and shield while casting spells and dropping totems.

Just then, more enemies came in. Huge monsters made of corpses called abominations came. They hade three arms with an axe in each hand. Then came the Rot Hide gnolls. They looked like humanoid hyenas that were undead. Gargoyles swooped down to attack from the air. From the ground came spider-like crypt fiends. Horrible ghost minions like wraiths, shades, and banshees joined the attack. Evil worgens came, as did the vrykul (vampiric half-giants), creatures called geists (agile undead with a noose around their neck and one looming eye on their hooded face), quilboars (humanoid pigs), muscular zombies called wights, and huge fungal monsters. The vast army seemed limitless, and it just kept increasing

"I've had worse," BB said.

"Now's not the time for jokes, Beast Boy!" Raven snapped.

Raven was fighting off some gnolls when an abomination came up from behind her. BB shape shifted into a cheetah and ran as fast as he could. He then shifted into a bear and smacked the abomination in its face.

"Thanks," Rae said, as she sliced a ghoul in half.

"That is _so_ hot the way you swing that axe," BB replied.

"Later, Beast Boy," she replied, looking away to hide her smile.

"HALT!" a voice commanded.

The army stopped fighting. The Titans looked around to see where the voice came from. Suddenly, from high above them, the sat a tall, imposing figure atop a throne. He looked almost like the Lich King, but there was something off.

"You've fought bravely," the figure spoke, "But you can't defeat an army more powerful than the Scourge."

"We know that's you," Robin shouted back.

"Like the Lich King was once an orc and a human, before Arthas took over completely, we have combined to form an entity greater than the Lich King."

The figure spoke with both Control Freak's and Gizmo's voice.

"And yet you look almost exactly like him," BB pointed out.

"Very creative," Raven added.

"We ain't stopping until we kick you outta the internet," Cyborg said.

"Then your characters will die."

"So what?" KF asked.

"Since you're stuck in here, if your character dies, then you die for real."

"Well this sucks," Jinx said.

More enemies made their way to the battlefield. In the sky huge skeletal dragons called frost wyrms flew overhead. On the ground, necromancers gathered around a tall skeleton figure. It was a lich, a powerful undead spell-caster (especially with ice-based magic). On undead horses, in rode several death knights. Behind them came an enormous cross between a beetle and a spider called a crypt lord.

"How can there be so many enemies at once?" Cy wondered out loud.

"Because there are no rules here," the fake Lich King stated.

"Sounds like a nasty virus to me," Jinx said.

"Exactly! We…I…whatever…created this realm. So anything goes!"

"If that's the case," KF replied, "Then it applies to us as well."

"Wait, what?" Control Freak/Gizmo asked.

"That's right," Ravager added, "The no rules thing applies to everyone."

The Titans all smirked at each other. Raven began dropping every totem she had. Jinx used the soul shards she created to summon forth every demon she could. Speedy called all five of his pets into battle: a devilsaur, a raptor, a crocolisk (a large six-legged crocodile), a turtle, and a serpent. Kid Flash and Jericho brought forth an entire undead army of their own with ghouls and gargoyles. BB summoned a group of treants (living trees). Everyone else gave each other as many buffs as possible.

"NO! It's not supposed to work this way! We created this realm, so we should be the only ones allowed to take advantage of it!"

"You should have thought of that ahead of time," Robin shot back.

The twelve Titans readied their weapons and were now more ready than ever to defeat their opponents.

"Can I say it, Robin?" BB asked.

"Oh, alright."

"Titans, together!"

Control Freak/Gizmo shouted back, "Kill them!"

The Titans and the opposing army charged. Despite the mostly undead army being greater in number, the Titans seemed to mow them down. Speedy laid out numerous traps for when the enemies got too close. Then his pets did the rest. Beast Boy Cyborg easily took out several undead and demons at a time with his holy magic. Jinx had her own demons clear a path to Control Freak and Gizmo.

"Beast Boy, Ravager, you know what to do," Robin said.

"Right."

Ravager went into stealth mode and disappeared. BB turned into a storm crow and flew overhead. The other Titans pushed ahead through the enemies. Raven's fire totems shot bursts of flame at the enemies. Ravager snuck around back towards Control Freak/Gizmo. Beast Boy landed, shifted into a big cat, and went stealth mode as well.

"You think stealth will work against me?! Come out and surrender so we can end this."

The pseudo-Lich King stood and began swinging his swords wildly. BB and Ravager kept their distance as the others raced up the steps towards the throne. Robin paused to throw weapons at the false King. Speedy did likewise to fire arrows and Wonder Girl to fire her gun. Control Freak/Gizmo deflected some shots, but others hit their mark. Ravager struck him from behind, and then the others began attacking all at once.

"Get up here, you idiots!" Control Freak/Gizmo screamed at their minions.

Said army tried to ascend the staircase, but they kept pushing each other out of the way. The ones that could fly managed to answer his call. Gargoyles and frost wyrms flew towards the throne, but were shot out of the sky with arrows, bullets, and magic. The pseudo Lich King's life slowly got lower and lower.

"This can't be happening!" he/they cried, "This is my…our world!"

"Not now, not ever," every Titan shot back.

Beast Boy made roots rise out of the ground and keep the villains still. Robin swung his sword and disarmed them, then struck them in the chest. Kid Flash did likewise with both his axes, followed by Wonder girl and her axe, Aqualad and his staff, and Speedy with his polearm. Cyborg continued unleashing holy magic while striking with his mace. Jinx inflicted shadow magic damage while also stabbing with her sword and having her demons attack whenever possible. Starfire used both shadow and holy magic and struck a blow with her dagger. Ravager struck quickly and repeatedly, making the King bleed with her dagger and fist weapon, while Jericho used fire and frost magic and kept clawing at Control Freak/Gizmo. Raven used her magic enhanced axe to whittle down his health. Finally, Beast Boy swung his large mace and gave the killing blow.

He watched as the villain collapsed and said, "You are dead."

"NO!"

There was a blinding flash of light that enveloped everything.

**Soon**

They were back in the real world. Control Freak and Gizmo were unconscious.

"Dudes, that was awesome! Let's do it again sometime."

Raven smacked BB upside the head.

"Beast Boy," Robin replied, "If we ever do that again, it'll only be on the computer."

"Definitely not in it," Cy added.

"Let's get these guys locked up," Jinx said.

"After that," Kid Flash said, "Let's go get something to eat."

"I agree," Star said.

"I'm buying," Ravager said, as she put her arm around Jericho.

"No seafood," Aqualad pleaded.

"Why not?" Speedy complained.

"You'll eat anything," Wonder Girl said, "So don't start."

The team started to walk off. Beast Boy lingered behind. Starfire noticed first.

"What is it, friend?" she asked.

"Dudes, I really enjoy playing World of Warcraft, but this experience has actually taught me something."

"Seriously?" Cyborg asked.

"Seriously, Cy. As much as I enjoy playing that game, I shouldn't spend so much time on it that I lose out on sleep or anything else more important."

They all looked at BB, too stunned to reply. That is until Raven walked up to him. She gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Beast Boy," Rae said, "You're learning. There might be hope for you yet."


End file.
